Tuesday, December 31, 2002

on the john 1.6: Happy New Years

Okay this will be the last letter of 2002. For those of you that have been following my periodic updates, this being the sixth volume this year, I appreciate you staying with me. I know, I know, most of you just delete them with out ever reading them, they can be pretty lengthy sometimes, but just know you are appreciated.

Well, in retrospect, I think 2002 has been thus far the most eventful year of my life. (although the very first year after my birth was quite momentous since I learned to see, and walk, and talk - sort of, and use my appendages and stuff like that) To recap, I applied for Survivor for the fifth time - failed, went to an adult prom which I threw. Met, courted, and fell in love with the woman of my dreams. Got married till death do us part. Released my first full length film "Out of the Blue" on DVD. Experienced Identity theft a third and hopefully final time. Changed my Social security #, my drivers License #, and changed my Name. Not including the aforementioned, I blissfully enjoyed many other grand adventures not sufficient enough to state in this correspondence. Needless to say it’s been a fantastic year.

My wife's name is Lara. Her maiden Name is Lara Maria Sio. She was born in The Dalles Oregon on April 29th, 1976. We met in May of 2002, she came over to my house with one of my roommates, Greg. Lara and I never really talked to each other though we were always at the same social functions together.

Then on the fourth of July after our super huge "4th of July, slipin slidin, Barbequein, volleyballing, bellyfloppin, flirtin flirtin fun day" we were sitting on the blankets at Sugarhouse Park, after the fireworks I exclaimed to her that I had to go to the bathroom. She said “That’s nice John.” then I said “It's dark, and I'm not very brave, I think it would be wise if somebody escorted me to the little boys room, I also think it would be wise if you escorted me.” She complied.

On our walk to the bathroom I engaged in little flirts, as one does, used a few of my usual "JOHN" jokes in regards to the toilet. Then after using the restroom, as we were walking back to the blankets, I told her that I had a big crush on her. She said she had a big crush on me. I asked with a grin “Well what should we do about our mutual crushes?” After that we began dating. One thing led to another, yada yada yada, and we were wed.

I recognize that our wedding took place in the midst of the holiday season, and with holiday parties, work and other such events going on it may have been hard to get away to see one of your close friends be married. But work parties come and go people, birthdays come and go, pretty much everything else comes and goes... JOHN GETTING MARRIED, THAT HAPPENS ONCE MAYBE TWICE IN A LIFETIME* No excuses will be entertained (except for Grandma, and Ashley). For those of you that made it, I love you, even those who dropped in for a moment, your fantastic... I...I...I wanted to share the happiest moment of my life with you that’s all. (insert quivering lip) Anyway, those who missed it, you are forgiven. That’s all I should say about that.

Marriage is great, to answer everybody's first question, Married life is great. I love it. Lara is amazing, and I'm as happy as I've ever been. So far there have been no fights, and just lots of, uh love. Then to answer everybody's second question. We are leaving children in the Lords hands and currently taking no precautionary measures.

Anyhow folks, Life is great and wonderful, and intense. I want all of you to know that Lara and I are planning on being sealed in the Portland Temple in Dec, 2003. You are all invited, and I'll give you more info on that as it becomes available. I look forward to future fraternization's with you, and will hopefully see you soon.

Love JOHN MAXIM aka John Henderson

*This of course would hopefully only happen if death was involved... polygamy?

PS: anyone who is interested, tonight is New Years Eve, and we (my old roommies and I) of course are throwing the hugestest Mormon New Years Party this Side of the sacred grove. You’re invited, there’ll be dancing, karaoke, lots of people, and a countdown that can't be beat. Grace us with your presence, even if only for a moment. Tonight after 9pm.

PPS: I recently ran over my cell phone... It fell out of my pocket when I got out of my car, then when I left for lunch I noticed it, crushed in the parking lot. Needless to say I lost all of my phone numbers, including yours. Please send it to me. Thanks.

Friday, December 13, 2002

on the john 1.5: Two big items...

If you never read my "on the johns", this is the one you should really pay attention to.

Two big items. Number one, my name change is in the works. (for those who don't know I had my identity severely stolen and to combat it have been forced to change my name, social, and drivers license #) I have decided to herald the name JOHN PATRICK MAXIM. This name came to me with a slew of other suggestions. I took it through my 4 tests: Imagined what it would look like on the back of a sports Jersey, said out loud “John Patrick Maxim”, said out loud “The Maxims”, said out loud mimicking a child’s voice “Mom, I'm going over to the Maxims to play”. Needless to say, it passed the initial tests.

So I looked it up in the dictionary to see what it meant the definition: A succinct* general truth, rule of conduct, or formulation of a fundamental principle. I thought that was pretty cool. Then underneath the definition it spoke of an American born British inventor Sir Hiram Stevens Maxim, inventory of early machine gun, his brother Hudson Maxim invented Smokeless Gun powder, and Hiram’s Son invented the silencer. I thought that was cool, even though I've only held a fire arm as many times as arms I have, still I really like Arnold Schwarzenegger movies which made this info cool. Also it verified that it is an actual surname.

The next big news is that I am getting married. On Saturday, tomorrow, To Lara. We have been dating for several months, things were turbulent for a while mostly due to my inability to A) commit, and B) believe in love. I, as per usual, put her through the same cycle that all the girls I dated went through. I was off and on, never letting them know how I really felt, constantly playing games and trying to obtain and maintain control of the relationship. Then at around three months or round abouts, they want exclusive commitment. I of course don't give it, and the relationship ends. That is how it has always played out since the dawn of time**.

The same story with Lara. (I know I am a horrible person) Whenever this happened I always would say to myself, "Well, if in a month I can't live with out her, then I'll go back." Or, "If in a month I can live without her, then I will... live without her.” Same thing with Lara... except this time to my surprise, I couldn't live without her. I was going nuts!!! So I prayed about it, KA-BAM! I received an undeniable 'Lara is the one' answer. I went back to her groveling and begging. Lucky for me she took me back, and I proposed 2 weeks later.

Anyway, I checked the name change with her, and she loved it. We were going to get married on Valentines day, but then we got bored. And no she's not pregnant for all you naysayers that ask that. We're in love, we have a place to live, we're having a small, easy to plan wedding, so we see no reason to wait. People who wait tend to get into trouble. Trouble we'd like to avoid. So we moved it to Dec. 14 2002. You are invited, seriously. If you didn't get an invitation I'm certain it's not my fault, I tried really hard to get these out. Some got returned some are still MIA, but with the exception of Mr. Michael Lehman, Mr. Aaron Calder, and Mrs. Lori Peterson, it's your fault for not giving me updated info, or keeping in contact with me. As for the three aforementioned individuals it is all my fault I'm a jerk, sorry.

Anyway, tomorrow’s the big day. I'm filled with excited anticipation. If you received this email you are cordially invited to attend.

Our reception is at:
Eastridge stake center
12770 s 1100 e
Sandy, UT 84094

from 7:00 to 8:00 there will be dancing, nicely dressed individuals, and goodies.

love you,


*SUCCINCT: spoken or relayed in few words.
**slight exaggeration to build emphasis.

Monday, November 4, 2002

Name Change...

Hi everybody, The votes are in and I have decided to change my name after all. The person who's opinion I wanted most (my fathers) was this... “If I were you, I wouldn't waste any time changing things (name, friends, environment, work, thoughts) to get my life back on track. Anything you can do to eliminate your problems and build walls to protect your good name, new or otherwise, and your future, should be done. Life is too short. Consider advise from the Book of Mormon Alma 13: 27 "And now, my brethren, I wish from the inner most part of my heart, yea, with great anxiety even unto pain, that ye would hearken unto my words, and cast off your sins, and not procrastinate the day of your repentance(name change)”

So with that being said, plus the FBI's fervent nagging (worse than my mother) I will change it. It's a really hard thing, think about it yourself for awhile... What would you choose if you had to change your name? Seems fun and easy until you take it seriously. It's tough. I appreciate the many suggestions, thank you. I have to respectfully decline many of them though. Especially the one's suggested by my roommates. I just don't think I could ask a girl to marry me and have my name be John Pornstar. Other bad suggestions include: John X, John Mountain Dew, John Rambo, and the ever popular John Jacob Jinglehimerschmidt. But there were many good suggestions as well. I have picked a few of my favorites let me know what you think... there is still a week or two before this actually happens legally. Some of the things I had to consider is how it sounds, if I could be famous with the name, how hard the new signature change is going to be, what my future children's name will look like on the back of their jersey... stuff like that. Here are the leading names I am considering:

JOHN PATRICK METROPOLIS (Johnny Metropolis is cool - not a comic character either, it's a John Henderson original)
JOHN PATRICK TOMMY (this is my girlfriends favorite)
JOHN PATRICK JOHNNY (good suggestion, signature would be cake)
JOHN PATRICK HARBOR (same initials)
JOHN PATRICK HONOR (another suggestion same initials)
JOHN PORTLAND PATRICK (Patrick as my last name is the number one suggestion)
JOHN PATRICK MAXIM (if your gonna pick your own name might as well be awesome)
JOHN PATRICK RADD(think of the jersey)
JOHN PATRICK RADSON (another simple signature, and cool jersey)

All of these are seriously being considered... let me know what you think. Vote, rate em' in order of your favorites, whatever... I'll talk to you soon. I am also going to be wearing each of these on a "Hello My Name Is:" name tag on my chest every day for the next couple weeks, just to get a taste for how they will feel.

Here's some photo's, hope you all had as fun a Halloween as I did.


Monday, October 28, 2002

on the john 1.4: The saga continues...

Some of you, not many, have missed the previous tales of how my identity has been stolen in the past. I'm going to fill you in however, as though you have heard the previous. If you would like to be filled in and have not, The first story is contained in the John Henderson life story archives, and the second is "on the John 1" I can email you those if you like. Now read as the final (hopefully) episode of the trilogy unfolds.

At Approximately 3:45pm on October 24th 2002, I received a phone call from Special Agent Michael P. Dupler with the Federal Bureau of Investigation (aka the FBI) I had met with him a year ago when the first incident took place. This is how the conversation went.
FBI: John Henderson, This is Special Agent Dupler, Do you remember me?
JOHN: Uh yeah, I think so. FBI right?
FBI: That's correct. Mr. Henderson have you been in the state of Utah for the past six months?
JOHN: Uh, well no, I spent a week in Oregon in August. But, uh, other than that I have been here.
FBI: That's what I thought. Mr. Henderson, I'm afraid that your identity crisis is not over. Apparently, and I say apparently because you have not left the state, but, apparently there are warrants for your arrest in Illinois and California. Also, there are several out-standing debts that have been acquired in your name and social security #. It is imperative that we meet with you as soon as possible so that we can resolve this problem before it causes you permanent determent.
JOHN: Wow. That's bad isn't it? Um, sure I can meet with you tomorrow. What did I do this time?
FBI: We can discuss that tomorrow. Understand that you may be put under arrest to satisfy judgment until this can be resolved. I will do the best I can Mr. Henderson to avoid arrest, because of your previous experience, but I cannot promise anything.

An appointment was made for the next day at 10:30am. I met with Agent Dupler, and he filled me in on all the juice. He avoided the whole under arrest thingy too.

Agent Dupler explain the several criminal charges in places like Ashland, LA and El Centro, CA. Cities I have never even heard of let alone been in, as well as financed TV's, electronics, Car's? Lets just say the list was long and distinguished [insert Top Gun quote here]

Now, how on Earth does an individual get away with all that? Bail. I think, I'm still a little confused, but Justice hasn't been satisfied for any of these crimes, and no payments have been made on any of the financed automobiles or television.

Here's the thing, the people (that's right, "people", implying more than one) have licenses with their picture on it and all of my information. There are more than one person now who is dragging my identity through the mud. I guess there's some black market or something where people can buy stolen identities. Really all you need to get a new license is your old one and social security card. So if the picture is close enough, they just take a new one.

So, my options: Well, I can prove quite easily with work that I wasn't in any state but Utah at those times. I can also prove very easily that the scoundrel(s) who has been getting caught and arrested is not me because of my finger prints, which differ from there's. So I'm off the hook kind of. Except for the fact that the savage(s) are still running around the United States with my Drivers License and Social security card. And by some miracle, have acquired California, Louisiana, and Illinois versions of my Drivers License too. For the rest of my life "law men" could be banging down my door trying to punish me for others crimes.

Well, why not just change my social security #? As stated by the Social Security Administration, generally an individual is assigned only one Social Security number which is used to record the individual’s earnings for future benefit purposes and to keep track of benefits paid under that number. However, under certain circumstances, SSA may assign an individual a new (different) Social Security number. When they assign a new number, the original number is NOT voided or deleted. For integrity reasons, they cross-refer in their records all the numbers assigned to the same individual. This might seem like a good idea, but my new friends at the FBI are disenchanted about the effectiveness of this move alone. Since it would be very easy for an individual, who possibly not only has three state licenses in my name but an old Social security card, to acquire a new card with the new number. It is evident that he or one of his accomplices know a little bit about how these things work. It might not pose much of an obstacle.

It's looking hopeless so far isn't it? Last year when this first happened, law enforcement and government lackey's said that if I changed my drivers license number, all would be well. That was a futile move because "Bad guy" acquired a new license in two different states with my new number. So the advice Agent Dupler and Special Agent Maria Stettison was that I should change my name, social security number, and Drivers license number again. I don't have to do any of them, but that's the three things to do. Just doing one, like before, may be as effective as before. That way when "dirty crook" gets busted again, they'll notice all the differences and hopefully nab him for ruining my very life and the many other aforementioned crimes. Is this the best way to catch said culprit? In the opinion of this victim and the trusted agents of the FBI, yes.

What about the credit fraud, well after a small investigation, and my guiltiness isn't proven in a court of law. Some government agency (not sure which, and really don't care) will assume the debts and then charge them to the "felon" when he is hopefully apprehended. I thought that was pretty sweet.

Folks, This all started over a year ago, so far nothing has been done, and I suspect nothing will be done in the future. My faith in "the system" is ridiculously low. My advice to you is to guard your Identity with your very life. If there is anything in this world to be anal about that is it. The FBI suspects, who I only know as Anthony, (other aliases where not disclosed to I the victim) to be involved in three identity theft cases! That means two other people are going through the same thing I am. I'm sure there are many many more.

Am I going to heed the advice of Agents Dupler and Stettinson? Yeah probably. I don't really care about changing my social, or DL#. It'll be a gargantuan pain in the tushy, but needs to be done. The name is a little bit of a sore spot. I don't have to, but it seems like it has to be done. I could change it, wait till he gets caught and then change it back... but that might not happen. Plus is costs like a hundred bucks a time. I'm going to give it more thought and prayer. I'll ask your advice. One positive note... well one note anyway. When I was on my mission contemplating fame and fortune, I thought that John Henderson was more of a 'President of the United States' famous name rather than a 'superstar of the media world' famous name. So I spent many a zoned out sacrament meetings toying with changing my name to something a little more fame friendly. It doesn't seem as fun or cool anymore now that it's real and kind of forced. At this point though, I want this nightmare to be over.

So in closing. I wanted to fill you in, also get some idea's for my new name. I would really rather only change my last name. I'm fond of my first and middle names. Who knows though... I'm not even sure if I'll do it yet. I meet with the agents of the Federal Bureau of Investigation tomorrow again. They'll get all my paper work and everything. I'll make my decision by the end of the week.

Advice, ideas, leads as to "Anthony's" whereabouts and lots of big guys with baseball bats and ski masks, or any other help you can offer would be greatly appreciated. I'll do my best to keep you posted. Thanks for reading.


Wednesday, October 2, 2002

on the john 1.3: about the man

This e-mail has been flying around like madness the past couple days. I have received several of these and since most all of those who sent it to me label me as there answer to #30 I decided in retort to use this little e-mail as my letter for this month. Note:no forwarding necessary, nor do I expect a reply.

"Sweet Home Alabama"

I don't read books. I will say this about books though. There is this myth that if someone has a cyst and you hit it really really hard with a big heavy book it will go away. I testify that this is false. Because I have a cyst, and one night thanks to this myth, my special lady friend at the time hit my cyst (located on my leg) really really hard with a hard back cover "Work and the Glory" All that happened was I rolled around on the ground shrieking like a wee girly. The cyst lives on!

Risk: The game of world domination

Maxim Magazine, the best thing to happen to men since women. It really is a fabulous publication. Sure its got lots of girl pictures, but the real appeal comes in the articles. Maxim offers gospels full of truth. (not a religious reference rather the root meaning of the word: something, such as an idea or principle, accepted as unquestionably true) Why just the other day I learned all about the sport of Sumo wrestling, it was fascinating. Not to mention all the relationship and dating tid bits that help to make me the swingin bachelor I am today.

I love the smell of women. I don't care what they're using I don't have a fine tuned nose like my roommates (Alan & Adam) but the greatest smell in the world is a girl. Also Freshly cleaned laundry. Anything that makes the corners of my mouth well up and tingle, like a freshly open jar of vinegar, or A1-Steak sauce. And that just-before-it-rains smell.

I don't exactly know what a comfort food is? Is that a chick term? I do love to eat three healthy sized Vlasic dill pickles and wash it down with a tall glass of 1-2% milk. Does that count?

I love the sound of somebody laughing, really laughing with all of their heart. I remember when Cameron Daley and I released our film "Out of the blue" at the University of Utah independent film festival, we were sitting on the balcony and listening to the sound of three hundred people laughing at our jokes in unison, that was pretty great. Also I love the sound after you bless the sacrament, when you've said the prayer and right as you pop your head up over the sacrament table and the whole ward says "amen."

Rejection! That's rejection in any form. Whether romantic, professional, emotional, or self.

Just five more minutes.

Wendy's! The Frosty is amazing. Then the 99 cent super value menu goes and clenches it.

Gwen, Marie, Robb, Elijah, Isaiah, Danielle, Pete, Clyde, Rowe, Cleo, Alissa, Camille, Danger, and Tay. I haven't really thought about the other six kids yet, but I'm sure I'll have time to sort that out later.

It was a road trip with my friend Lara first up to George, WA where we saw Ozzfest (for you oldies thats an all day concert headed up by rock super star Ozzy Ozbourne, featuring several other hard rock bands) it was awesome, then we drove to Portland to visit both our families there, then spent a day at the beach. it was fab!

(if when you say a lot you mean $200 million, I'm glad this question is asked, I've given this a lot of thought.) First, unless the money was obtained via filthy lucre, i would happily send $20 mill the lords way. In the event it is obtained via filthy lucre i would find several noteworthy charity's and send $20 million to them. I would pay off my two mortgages, then I would use a hundred million to start a mortgage company giving home, business and commercial loans. Then I would pay off my parents homes, grand parents, aunts uncles and cousins (the ones I see at least once a year. Also all of my friends would receive new cars. That includes anyone who has ever lived in my house, (that I liked) all of my mission companions, the individuals that went to Dee's every night with me in high school and anyone who replies to this e-mail. Then I would purchase that old paint building on 400 s 400 w and make the main floor into business condo's and make the top 3 floors residential condo's. Then I would purchase that plot of land up behind the capital that the cool kids refer to as "make out point", or "top of the world". I would build a house there with all of the I have millions of dollars to squander musts, indoor swimming pool, bowling alley, basketball and racket ball courts, giant home theater and a robot like the one in "Rocky 4". Then I would buy myself a new car, and at our next bonfire we would blow up (as in explode) the car I have now. Anything left would be spent on eating out, courting attractive members of the opposite sex and buying lavish gifts for people on birthdays and Christmas. Oh, and I would always tip 100%.

I just received my 19th life time speeding ticket on Saturday night... I may not be driving anymore, but historically the facts speak for themselves.

Do people count, and do I have to know their name? Just kidding Mom.


78' Orange Dodge Van

Mountain Dew

Sleep 6 to 8 hours every day.


Have you seen my hair? I can and I do.

I was born in Provo, Utah then Moved to Portland, Oregon then moved to Sandy UT where I lived till I left on my mission. There I lived in England in the cities of Leeds, Billingham, Grimsby, Workington, Wharf Valley, Newton Aycliffe, York, then back to the US Cincinnati, Ohio, and Hazard, Kentucky, then came home lived in Sandy a couple months and then moved to Salt Lake City. I guess that’s 13.


Anywhere where I can talk to 1 or more people for long periods of time.

Uh... X-games

First I got it from Faith; Faith is one of the most loyal dependable friends that I have.
Second I got it from Mandy; Whom I affectionately refer to as my oldest best friend, I've known her for over 8 years. Then I got it from Nicole, Nicole has one of the funniest personalities on earth. Then I got it from Adam, He... Um... Well... uh... he has a great work ethic. Then I got it from Alan, who is so enjoyable to have a conversation with that I have spent more nights of aimless talking to 5 or 6 in the morning then with anyone else.

I sleep under the stairs on an egg carton mat on the floor.

I've never paid attention to this until now.

Greg Sumsion, Troy Haskett

John Patrick Henderson (thought I would stay consistent with everyone who sent it to me's)

Sunday, September 15, 2002

on the john anyone?

Remember how I used to write all of those form letters and mail them to you my many many friends. I have fond memories of paying my sisters to help me lick stamps. I started calling them "on the john" and numbering them? Then I converted to emailing them out to you?

Well, I would love to post them verbatim here on my blog. I cannot find any though, - weird since I'm so organized. *psyc!

So I'm looking for any that you may still have in you email inboxed or scrap books or what ever. I will post them on here.


Wednesday, May 22, 2002

Lara: Episode 2

I got home from work today and there in my living room sat Greg with Lara from our ward. She was wearing this tan shirt and black tight jeans. Her roommate Rachel was there too. It was actually the first time that we met. "Hey John, this is Lara and Rachel." Greg said with beaming pride that made me want to punch him in the face. "Hi." I said. I walked up to Lara and said, "Lara right?" as I shook her hand. She smiled. This is the closest I had been to her, and her skin was very nice. I then walked over to Rachel and repeated the handshake and introduction... skin? as nice.

I sat down at the computer as they watched TV sort of and talked. "So what are you guys up to tonight?" I asked. Greg said, "We don't know. I told these two if they came over that something fun would happen." I replied, "Probably true."

Chit chat and small talk consumed the next while. I was in top form and was doing a very good job of being funny. Adam and Alan both came home and we all talked for a while. I got an email from a girl on ldssingles.com who wanted to know if I wanted to go to a movie that night. Really, I wanted to hang out with Lara.

As we sat around and chatted, I found myself staring at Lara and I couldn't believe how cute I thought she was. I recognized Greg's dibbs and decided it was probably best for me not to be around. Either I would end up flirting with her and being a cock-block or I would control myself and just continue to loathe Greg.

Everyone decided they were going to go grab some food, and then go ice blocking. I told them all goodbye, and made contact with the LDSsingles girl. Lara and Rachel seemed genuinely bummed that I would be leaving. I told them, "We hug goodbye in this house." and gave them both a hug. I purposely held Lara for just a second longer then seemed comfortable.

I went to meet this girl from ldssingles.com. She didn't look anything like her picture. She wasn't even cute. I thought about Lara all night long. When I got home the other guys were home but Greg was not. I didn't even want to know, so I just went to bed. Stupid Greg.

John Maxim
written on 11/11/02 in retrospect

Saturday, May 11, 2002

Lara: episode 1

I had seen her in the hallways at church a couple of times. I noticed her because she was a beautiful girl. I never thought much of meeting or getting together with her, because our Ward met in the institute building and there were like 20 different Wards that met there on a Sunday. I never actually saw her in my Sunday school class. (granted there were three, and I never saw her in Sacrament meeting either (granted there was like 400 people in the ward)) So I knew that she existed and I knew she was attractive but I didn't know who she was or imagine that I would ever meet her with the vast number of people who went to church in the Salt Lake area. I did however think she was hot enough to mention her to my roommates.

We (me and the roommates) had a new roommate that had moved in just a month or so ago. Greg. The first night Greg lived with us he made-out with one of the girls who hung out at our house regularly. He had long hair, which in Mormonville is different enough for him to be noticed, and he was extremely out going and fearless. So we all regarded him as a bit of a ladies man, though, we soon discovered he was more of a goof then anything. However for the purposes of this story, I regarded him as a ladies man.

So Greg and I went together to a "ward prayer" this was an activity that our ward did every Sunday night were we would go to someones house, hear a spiritual thought, say a prayer, have a refreshment and then mingle and flirt. Set up by the church, no doubt, to more effectively nudge all of us single folk in the direction of pairing off and getting married.

We were at a girl in the wards apartment. Space was tight because probably a 10th of our ward (so 40 people) showed up. Greg and I ended up in the kitchen, where we could hear, and sort of see into the living room, but we couldn't see the girl giving the thought. She had just started, and that's when the girl I had seen in the hallways came into the room.

I instantly became nervous and excited. She squeezed between two girls on the sofa, and looked up right at me. I swear the look lingered for longer then a normal look. However I'm sure that I was just flustered, because she looked away and never looked back.

I leaned over to Greg and whispered, "There she is dude." he asked, "Who?" I replied, "The girl I was telling you guys about... From the hallways." I described her to him. As soon as he figured out who I was talking about he said, "Oh yeah, Lara, yeah she's hot." I looked at him. I was a little stunned he knew her name, he'd been to Church 3 times. "You know her?" I asked. "Nah, I just seen her around. Think I got introduced once, she goes to the gospel essentials class."
I realized that's why I hadn't seen her, because I taught the Gospel Doctrine class every week. Gospel Essentials met at the same time across the building.

I kept looking over at her not at all listening to the spiritual thought. Hoping to repeat the earlier eye contact, or even just to catch her maybe doing the same thing. It never happened though. I surveyed the room, and this girl, Lara, was easily, easily the hottest girl there. Greg asked me if I was going to go talk to her. I told him I was too scared.

The room bowed their heads for the prayer. I didn't close my eyes, I stared at Lara. I wanted to get a good look at her. She had dark skin and long dark hair which looked really healthy like a model in a shampoo commercial. I wasn't sure where her ancestry was from. Figured it was probably Latin American, but she had a unique enough look that I just had no idea. She was tall and slender I could even tell that sitting down. She had these lips that were incredibly sexy. She opened her eyes when the prayer ended, they were deep and brown and big. I noticed how amazing they were just before I looked away.

I stood up and went strait for the refreshments. No sooner had I inhaled my brownie then I turned and noticed Greg had walked strait over to Lara and started a conversation with her. I grit my teeth, I hoped he didn't think that just because I was too scared to talk to her here, on the fly, that that meant I wasn't gonna try period.

I mingled there, with the other wardies, all the while keeping my attention on Greg and Lara's little conversation. She was laughing he was smiling. I suddenly hated him. I felt sort of at fault, I mean I could have gone and talked to her. I was jealous, and it made me very uncomfortable. So I decided to ignore them both. Greg came over 10 minutes or so later. I glanced over and Lara was no where t be found. I said, "You ready." Greg replied, "Yes."

On the drive home I expected him to mention his conversation but he didn't. I wanted to punch him in the face but I didn't. Oh well, I thought, again I missed out because I was too scared to man up and talk to a girl I fancied.

John Maxim
written on 11/11/02 in retrospect