Tuesday, December 31, 2002

on the john 1.6: Happy New Years

Okay this will be the last letter of 2002. For those of you that have been following my periodic updates, this being the sixth volume this year, I appreciate you staying with me. I know, I know, most of you just delete them with out ever reading them, they can be pretty lengthy sometimes, but just know you are appreciated.

Well, in retrospect, I think 2002 has been thus far the most eventful year of my life. (although the very first year after my birth was quite momentous since I learned to see, and walk, and talk - sort of, and use my appendages and stuff like that) To recap, I applied for Survivor for the fifth time - failed, went to an adult prom which I threw. Met, courted, and fell in love with the woman of my dreams. Got married till death do us part. Released my first full length film "Out of the Blue" on DVD. Experienced Identity theft a third and hopefully final time. Changed my Social security #, my drivers License #, and changed my Name. Not including the aforementioned, I blissfully enjoyed many other grand adventures not sufficient enough to state in this correspondence. Needless to say it’s been a fantastic year.

My wife's name is Lara. Her maiden Name is Lara Maria Sio. She was born in The Dalles Oregon on April 29th, 1976. We met in May of 2002, she came over to my house with one of my roommates, Greg. Lara and I never really talked to each other though we were always at the same social functions together.

Then on the fourth of July after our super huge "4th of July, slipin slidin, Barbequein, volleyballing, bellyfloppin, flirtin flirtin fun day" we were sitting on the blankets at Sugarhouse Park, after the fireworks I exclaimed to her that I had to go to the bathroom. She said “That’s nice John.” then I said “It's dark, and I'm not very brave, I think it would be wise if somebody escorted me to the little boys room, I also think it would be wise if you escorted me.” She complied.

On our walk to the bathroom I engaged in little flirts, as one does, used a few of my usual "JOHN" jokes in regards to the toilet. Then after using the restroom, as we were walking back to the blankets, I told her that I had a big crush on her. She said she had a big crush on me. I asked with a grin “Well what should we do about our mutual crushes?” After that we began dating. One thing led to another, yada yada yada, and we were wed.

I recognize that our wedding took place in the midst of the holiday season, and with holiday parties, work and other such events going on it may have been hard to get away to see one of your close friends be married. But work parties come and go people, birthdays come and go, pretty much everything else comes and goes... JOHN GETTING MARRIED, THAT HAPPENS ONCE MAYBE TWICE IN A LIFETIME* No excuses will be entertained (except for Grandma, and Ashley). For those of you that made it, I love you, even those who dropped in for a moment, your fantastic... I...I...I wanted to share the happiest moment of my life with you that’s all. (insert quivering lip) Anyway, those who missed it, you are forgiven. That’s all I should say about that.

Marriage is great, to answer everybody's first question, Married life is great. I love it. Lara is amazing, and I'm as happy as I've ever been. So far there have been no fights, and just lots of, uh love. Then to answer everybody's second question. We are leaving children in the Lords hands and currently taking no precautionary measures.

Anyhow folks, Life is great and wonderful, and intense. I want all of you to know that Lara and I are planning on being sealed in the Portland Temple in Dec, 2003. You are all invited, and I'll give you more info on that as it becomes available. I look forward to future fraternization's with you, and will hopefully see you soon.

Love JOHN MAXIM aka John Henderson

*This of course would hopefully only happen if death was involved... polygamy?

PS: anyone who is interested, tonight is New Years Eve, and we (my old roommies and I) of course are throwing the hugestest Mormon New Years Party this Side of the sacred grove. You’re invited, there’ll be dancing, karaoke, lots of people, and a countdown that can't be beat. Grace us with your presence, even if only for a moment. Tonight after 9pm.

PPS: I recently ran over my cell phone... It fell out of my pocket when I got out of my car, then when I left for lunch I noticed it, crushed in the parking lot. Needless to say I lost all of my phone numbers, including yours. Please send it to me. Thanks.

Friday, December 13, 2002

on the john 1.5: Two big items...

If you never read my "on the johns", this is the one you should really pay attention to.

Two big items. Number one, my name change is in the works. (for those who don't know I had my identity severely stolen and to combat it have been forced to change my name, social, and drivers license #) I have decided to herald the name JOHN PATRICK MAXIM. This name came to me with a slew of other suggestions. I took it through my 4 tests: Imagined what it would look like on the back of a sports Jersey, said out loud “John Patrick Maxim”, said out loud “The Maxims”, said out loud mimicking a child’s voice “Mom, I'm going over to the Maxims to play”. Needless to say, it passed the initial tests.

So I looked it up in the dictionary to see what it meant the definition: A succinct* general truth, rule of conduct, or formulation of a fundamental principle. I thought that was pretty cool. Then underneath the definition it spoke of an American born British inventor Sir Hiram Stevens Maxim, inventory of early machine gun, his brother Hudson Maxim invented Smokeless Gun powder, and Hiram’s Son invented the silencer. I thought that was cool, even though I've only held a fire arm as many times as arms I have, still I really like Arnold Schwarzenegger movies which made this info cool. Also it verified that it is an actual surname.

The next big news is that I am getting married. On Saturday, tomorrow, To Lara. We have been dating for several months, things were turbulent for a while mostly due to my inability to A) commit, and B) believe in love. I, as per usual, put her through the same cycle that all the girls I dated went through. I was off and on, never letting them know how I really felt, constantly playing games and trying to obtain and maintain control of the relationship. Then at around three months or round abouts, they want exclusive commitment. I of course don't give it, and the relationship ends. That is how it has always played out since the dawn of time**.

The same story with Lara. (I know I am a horrible person) Whenever this happened I always would say to myself, "Well, if in a month I can't live with out her, then I'll go back." Or, "If in a month I can live without her, then I will... live without her.” Same thing with Lara... except this time to my surprise, I couldn't live without her. I was going nuts!!! So I prayed about it, KA-BAM! I received an undeniable 'Lara is the one' answer. I went back to her groveling and begging. Lucky for me she took me back, and I proposed 2 weeks later.

Anyway, I checked the name change with her, and she loved it. We were going to get married on Valentines day, but then we got bored. And no she's not pregnant for all you naysayers that ask that. We're in love, we have a place to live, we're having a small, easy to plan wedding, so we see no reason to wait. People who wait tend to get into trouble. Trouble we'd like to avoid. So we moved it to Dec. 14 2002. You are invited, seriously. If you didn't get an invitation I'm certain it's not my fault, I tried really hard to get these out. Some got returned some are still MIA, but with the exception of Mr. Michael Lehman, Mr. Aaron Calder, and Mrs. Lori Peterson, it's your fault for not giving me updated info, or keeping in contact with me. As for the three aforementioned individuals it is all my fault I'm a jerk, sorry.

Anyway, tomorrow’s the big day. I'm filled with excited anticipation. If you received this email you are cordially invited to attend.

Our reception is at:
Eastridge stake center
12770 s 1100 e
Sandy, UT 84094

from 7:00 to 8:00 there will be dancing, nicely dressed individuals, and goodies.

love you,


*SUCCINCT: spoken or relayed in few words.
**slight exaggeration to build emphasis.