approx read time: 7 minutes
A few Sundays ago, my wife and I, returning home for church were all set to take a nap. Realizing that our dog, Vodka was outside, we decided we had better bring him inside before our nap. He has a tendency if left for long periods of time unsupervised to miraculously escape. I exited my Salt Lake City home through the back door wearing only my bathrobe. Vodka, excited as ever bounced around while I moved the gate away. With my back turned he bolted off towards the road. I turned to see that he had bolted to greet another dog. My neighbor has two dogs; they are Dogue de Bordeaux’s. If you've seen Turner and hooch, that's what kind of dog that is. I was familiar with these dogs. One of them, Max, was a very friendly dog. He and Vodka got along well. The other, Rocky is not dog friendly, in fact he's fairly aggressive towards dogs... especially big playful puppies that don't know when to quit (my dog). I looked around, and only saw one of the dogs. I can't tell them apart, so I was worried it was Rocky and a fight might ensue. I called Vodka to me, and he came but so did the other dog. They began playing so I knew it was Max. I figured I would get Vodka inside and take Max back home. I grabbed Vodka by the collar, and proceeded to guide him inside. Again, my back was to the road, and I was positioning myself so that I would block Max from entering my house. Just then I hear a deep menacing growl. I try to turn but before I do, this enormous body collides with me. I see the 140 lb dog, which is obviously Rocky, on top of Vodka and my connected arm. Suddenly searing pain registers in my brain, I think "Did I just get bit? I just got bit!" I pulled my hand away and for a moment, stunned, I ignored the growling yelping dogs. I looked at the two neat puncture wounds in my hand. One hole exactly between my middle two knuckles, the other in the fleshy part of the hand between my thumb and forefinger. There was no blood at first; my hand was white with shock. I came to my senses and saw the dogs continuing to fight. I ordered them to "SIT!" all three dogs sat, until Vodka moved again then Rocky pummeled him a second time. I yelled "Sit" again. Just then Ivan, my neighbor and the owner of the two dogs came around the corner (keep in mind the entire previous paragraph spans 25 seconds or so) I got Vodka in the house, and he got his dogs taken care of. It was really just bad timing I was taking my dog from the back to the house without a leash, and Ivan was taking his from the house to the car without a leash. Vodka of course hadn't received ought but a few scratches. I went inside, and the adrenaline of what had transpired began to dissipate. I started to feel the pain of the event and grew faint. I said to my nurturing wife "I'm going to faint." She moved me to the bed and She and Ivan did what they could to care for the wounds. In any event, I got my nap, it just wasn't as comfortable as would have hoped. Later that evening I stopped by the doctor’s office. It was okay, my hand was bruised pretty bad and extremely swollen. They said that I had a scratched tendon, and that infection was my biggest worry. It has healed nicely though, and is almost gone. I learned two lessons that day. The first is, if two dogs are in the mix make sure your hands are as far away from them as possible. The second is, a little more complicated. You see, well... hmm, Well when a man, (male) is injured there are two general responses he can give. The response really has no bearing on how tough the man really is, it's catered to the individual they're around. When injured he can act the way he would with his Mother, knowing the more pain he's in the more sympathy he'll get, the easier it is to get out of school, stuff like that. Or he could act the way he would in front of a girl he is trying to impress. The less pain expressed in an obviously painful situation the sexier he appears. Are you all with me? I, still a novice in the whole marriage field, wasn't sure which classification a wife falls under. Sure I would love to receive sympathy, soup, and stuff. Do I really need to impress her anymore; after all, she already married me... Right? Wrong. Hopefully a man's wife thinks he's macho, manly, tough, etc. You see if I were dating a girl I probably would have said "I need to lie down." instead of "I am going to faint." I also would have tried very hard to ignore the pain and do my best to not mention it to the female, by talking about how cool the torn skin and oozing blood looked. Rather than saying "This really really hurts." over and over again. Not only was my wife frustrated with me for whining so much, any image she had that her husband was even remotely macho was shattered. Thinking that, because she is my wife, and very best friend that I can express in great detail my pain and discomfort without loosing some level of masculinity was a glaring mistake. She was surprised at what a baby I was... it's a little embarrassing really. The worst part is that "macho-ness" is like trust. It's a long tedious process to build and cultivate, at the same time in an instant one mess up can destroy it completely. Alas, the next few years will be spent trying to get back to the macho man I used to be. Thus, not only increasing my cool but increasing my sexy too. Hopefully before she gets tired of her girly man husband and runs off with that character from "Over the Top."
Other than my seeming inability to cope with pain, Lara and I are doing fine. We moved into a new house. Originally to accommodate the extra large family that we had. Lara's sister Jessica and her boyfriend Jake were living with us for a time, but because of insurance Jessica had to move home. She had her baby a month ago, and named her Nevaeh Elizabeth Keaveny. They are doing okay in Oregon, and Jessica is moving in with her other sister Shannon. Lara absolutely loves the new place that we live in. I like it a lot, just wish it had more of a yard and an underground bowling alley. I still work for Fairbanks capital, and though monotonous and slightly unfulfilling, I like it okay. It pays the bills, that's for sure. Lara jumps in and out of work in an on going pursuit to stay interested in something. I think at the moment she works for Dial America only, but a second job is around the corner.
Our pet situation has changed a bit. We still have Vodka, our dog. He is awesome, aside from wanting to physically hug every stranger he meets, those of you who've met him know what I'm talking about, he is really well behaved. (I said hug, not hump) If I can only take him on a six hour walk/run ever day he's really mellow too. We had our awesome cat Batman. Jake and Jessica had a cat the same age named Gomez. Gomez and Batman were best friends. They took Gomez with them to Oregon. We found a little white Kitten in our garage that was abandoned. We called him Mr. Pink. Mr. Pink hated the dog, but was really cute, but we kept him around to try and fill Gomez's void. It didn't work. About two weeks after Gomez Left Batman ran away. This crushing blow of rejection cemented a resolve not to have cats. Cats are dumb. We found a good home for Mr. Pink. Now it’s just Vodka, and that's plenty.
Finally, some new and exciting news. Many of you remember my good friend Cameron Daley, and our numerous exploits regarding fame and fortune. Like those movies we made and that ad we had running at Century 16 for a year. Well we have stumbled on to a new medium. We created a comic strip. That's right a cartoon, one you would read in your local newspaper. It is loosely based on our movie of the same name "Out of the Blue" I think it's pretty funny as Cartoon strips go. So do a lot of other people. We started running our comic weekly in the Weber State University Newspaper "The Signpost" about 4 months ago. Since then our comic has been run in numerous colleges spanning 8 states. The figures aren't very accurate but we have an estimated 100,000 readers. This is only the beginning too. In Utah alone you'll find our comic at Salt Lake Community College, Westminster College, UVSC, Weber State, and Utah State University. We are constantly acquiring new schools and are making a big push to have more lined up for next semester. Our plan is to get in as many College newspapers as we can for a year or so. Then with the many comics we've drawn and the many references we have we'll start hitting up city Newspapers and Syndicates. Looking over what I just read it sounds really exciting and sensational. Though I do have a knack for making even the drabbest of things seem so, it really is exciting this time.
If you don't hear from me again before the end of the year. Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Except for the Jehovah's Witnesses, you two just have a great December 03. I hope to hear from or see all of you soon.
PS: I am in between email addresses right now, this is my work address, and is not for general personal use. I will update you on my new email soon.