Friday, May 2, 2008


So I was discussing blogging with my friend Heather, who, still doesn't even have a blog. She mentioned how she read my blog almost every day. I asked her (somewhat condescendingly) why she didn't leave comments on my blog posts if she read them. She responded with two reasons. First, she felt like if she was going to make a comment that it needed to be funny or it wasn't worth making one. She sited my friend Cameron and his "never ending bag of humorous retorts" (direct quote) I can sort of relate to that, Cameron is tough competition, but I mentioned to her how good it made me feel to get any comment, even comments that aren't funny. Second she said that Sometimes she would ask questions and that they would not be answered, she explained to me how very frustrating this was. I didn't realize that people actually expected answers to their questions. Weird huh? So I have taken a moment to answer all of the questions that I have ignored over the last few months, and will attempt to answer all questions, rhetorical or actual in the future.

POST: Floor (January 2nd, 2008)
KATEMARIE : I missed Guitar Hero??? Are you freakin' kidding me????
John Maxim: Yes Kate, you missed guitar hero, and no I am not even freakin' kidding.

POST: 196 (January 9th, 2008)
Maria : Hmmm... and why is it that you see him naked so frequently?
Johnny Metropolis: I see John naked a lot just because we are such good friends. Homophobia and weirdness don't plague individuals in true solid friendships. It's weird though, I think I've only ever seen him naked in the mirror.

Dizzy: Did you ever eat Deming's canned Salmon?
John Maxim: No, I think it was canned tuna.

Maria: Hey I "tagged" you. I know its lame, but what can you do?
John Maxim: I have learned if its lame, what you can do is not do it... which I didn't.

POST: Prophet (January 28th, 2008)
Jorge Baker: You think Monson is boring too?
John Maxim: No Jorge, I used the word "soothing" not "Boring". You definitely need an attitude adjustment.

Laura : Pres. Hinckley was around for a long time wasn't he?
John Maxim: Yes, 97 years is a long time - as mentioned in my post.

POST: Girl (February 5th, 2008)
Amber: So are you going to start going on Tuesdays?
John Maxim: (sigh) I tried that for a couple months, and alas, I never saw her again.

POST: Cobra Starship (February 7th, 2008)
Cream of Dallup: If you're that into concerts, don't forget to attend the ROCKAPELLA concert in Provo this week. You know... the group that sings Where in the World in Carmen San Diego?
John Maxim: Yeah, I know the group, and the song... but I still forgot, and probably will forget next time they come to town too.

POST: Cop back-talk (February 6th, 2008)
Rhett: Who was the sheriff?
John Maxim: I don't know.

POST: Laser Fag (February 28th, 2008)
Red Dawg: does that make you feel better?
John Maxim: Yes, thank you. Your derogatory comments have comforted me sufficiently. Seriously, I laughed out loud.

Cameron: If you're hanging out with that many hotties, why wouldn't you comb your hair before the date?
John Maxim: I did, I spent at least 3 hours getting my hair to look like that.

Dana Meg: can you grow chest hair??
John Maxim: Not everyone can okay! That doesn't mean they aren't manly.

POST: Blog stalking gone awry (March 4th, 2008)
Heather D in LV: So whats the status with "Jesse" aka ___________?
John Maxim: I decided that she was a bit boring, I found myself doing all the talking and entertaining, and she just sat around looking pretty, so basically she was lame and I stopped pursueing her. For further explaination see my hypothosis about chick with little or no personality in this post.

El Shake: Are you still drawing those? Can I be introduced as a visiting character?
John Maxim: We upload a new comic to our blog every week. I'm sure we could figure out a way to make fun of you just like all our other characters.

POST: Gross (March 7th, 2008)
Cameron: Why don't you just take a photo of your dogs eating a poop sandwich or maybe a bowl of your scabs with a little powdered sugar sprinkled on top with some Vitamin D milk?
John Maxim: Seriously, why don't I? That would make a great blog post!

Laura : Have you seen Little Shop of Horrors?
John Maxim: Yes, twice.

POST: My throbbing retina (March 21st, 2008)
Scott Durns: I'm with you on all the hotties except Kristen Bell, who's that?
John Maxim: Scott, would you just use google? Blimey.

El Shake: By the way, how far is too far for you to pursue a "hurts to look" chik?
John Maxim: Lately if she doesn't live on my street then it's too far. Provo is absolutely out of the question.

Janey: I think I would diagnose you maybe with Retinopathy of Inmaturity caused from over analylization of women! What do you think?
John Maxim: Since both of those words are spelled incorrectly... I think your full of it!

POST: A hero emerges (April 1st, 2008)
Cameron: Is she the hottie smiling in the top picture?
John Maxim: Nope, she's not.

Heather D in LV: probably because I'm "the girl"???
John Maxim: Nope, you're not.

JoRae aka Lolae: Seriously?
John Maxim: Seriously.

POST: Indestructible no more (April 14th, 2008)
Emily: Couldn't you leave the gross stuff out? Make it PG or something?
John Maxim: I'm pretty sure the term "family jewels" is rated PG... do I need to list more descriptive terms to prove that? Think about it Emily... Think about it.

Stephanie: MxPx is still alive and touring??? Did they do Chick Magnet?
John Maxim: Yes they are, and yes they did.

POST: Prince, O'Conner, or the Gimmes (Apil 23rd. 2008)
Chelsea: Are you talking about the shape of your belly button being symmetrical, or its placement within your abdomen?
John Maxim: Well now I am worried about both, thanks a lot.

POST: Who's got the clicker? (April 29th, 2008)
Steph: Does Vodka like V Mars?
John Maxim: He's a dog Stephanie... of course not.

There you go Heather... even though I only found two unanswered questions from you... Now what's your excuse going to be.

It's 10:23am 6 1/2 hours after I made this post, and I just got an email from a friend of mine complementing me on this post... instead of them actually making a comment on this post. Common people!


Steph said...

Thanks for answering my questions. I think Vodka should still like V Mars even if he is a dog. It's for everyone.

KateMarie said...

I love being quoted! So if I ask a question on every entry are you going to answer it?

I like the attention. I want to be 1/2 has famous as Cameron.

Cameron's Corner said...

Great post? How long did it take you to put this one together? Thanks for the props, yo?

Yes, these are all questions?

Johnny Metropolis said...

KATEMARIE: So if I ask a question on every entry are you going to answer it? (YES)

CAMERON: Great post? (I KNOW) How long did it take you to put this one together? (30 MINS) Thanks for the props, yo? (IT WASN"T ME IT WAS HEATHER, AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED THIS IS THE ONLY FUNNY COMMENT YOU'VE EVER MADE)

Yes, these are all questions? (YES THEY ARE)

B. said...

This is such a good idea.
I love it!

El Shake said...

Your lazy man. How can you expect girls to think you are into them if your not willing to drive for 40 minutes for them?

I bet you don't even open the door for girls or wash your face.

Jaime said...

I was kinda sad that I never asked you any questions for three reasons:
1. I wish I coulda made more work for you.
2. I love your witty replies.
3. I just really like seeing my name.

Anonymous said...

I read your blog and love it. I dont say things and I'm not going to start. I am just going to read it. I wanted you to know though.

Amber said...

Wow I'm impressed. How long do you think you will keep this up?

Johnny Metropolis said...

I will keep it up for-ev-errr.

Janey said...

um, you haven't answered all my questions! Oh and Retinopathy is spelled absolutely correct, but i'll give you the inmaturity- impressive for a non-speller

Unknown said...

You're such a ham! Is everything you do motivated by the praise and applause of others?

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh! An entire post directed at me... I guess I'll have to comment all the time now since u have given me such a compliment.

Here's a question I have been wanting an answer to:
In 2001 when we used to "hang out" in yur garage late at night, why... actually nevermind, I don't want to embarass you in front of yur Mom, I know she reads this.

Anonymous said...

Um... looking for validation are we

I purposely didnt put a question mark at the end of that sentance. An that's because I dont want you to anser it.

Johnny Metropolis said...

EL SHAKE: How can you expect girls to think you are into them if your not willing to drive for 40 minutes for them? (they know I'm into them because I know how to make love out of nothing at all!)

JANEY: (Actually I was talking about inmaturity and analylization...)

EMILY: Is everything you do motivated by the praise and applause of others? (I watch "Veronica Mars" and that's just for me)

HEATHER D IN LV: (when you say "hang out" you mean "make out" right? I'm not embarrassed, a. you're hot, b. my Mom likes to know girls like me that way she thinks I'll get married again.)

Anonymous said...

I don't understand why you have so many friends. You seriously aren't that cool.