Friday, June 20, 2008

The Truth is...

The truth is, I hate it when people have song playlists that automatically play on their blogs. Seriously, if I am able to listen to music, I would already be listening to my music instead of that stupid crap you like!

The truth is, if I met myself, I wouldn't like me. Yet I think I am totally awesome! Figure that one out.

The truth is, I never worry about the end of the world or dying. Both are going to happen whether I worry about them or not.

The truth is, I am perfectly comfortable talking about and answering questions about my divorce and the loss of my son. Although if you want to know I have kept extensive records which can be found in the archives of this blog.

The truth is, I don't care how bad it is for me, how late at night it is, how over-priced it is, how many big mac's it equals, or how fat I am, I will always eat movie theater popcorn at the movies.

The truth is, 92% of the time I think I am the smartest person in the room.

The truth is, I think my friend Cameron's wife, Betsy, is hot and never could figure out how he scored her. I guess funny goes a long... long... long way.

The truth is, I am really not very confident, but I am excellent at pretending like I am.

The truth is, I think my best physical feature is my butt. If I could switch my butt with my face I would get all the chicks.

The truth is, I think if you read someones blog you should make a comment on seven out of ten of their posts. It's good manners.

The truth is, I like spiders. When I was 15 I used to go catch black widows and try to get them to breed, it never worked, but now I don't kill spiders unless asked to by a girl. I usually catch them and send them into the wild. I even let a couple live in parts my house.

The truth is, I actually think I am one of the best Sunday school teachers in the world, one of the best risk players in the world, and one of the best indoor soccer goal keepers in the world. And, I believe it is only a matter of time before I am significantly humbled in all three of these beliefs.

The truth is, I know on the "looks only" scale I am a 6, maybe a 5.5, but I only want to date 8-10's.

The truth is, I pick up dry dog poop with my bare hands all the time.

The truth is, I don't really like "The Beatles" no matter how many people tell me how great they are and what they've done for society. I feel the same way about the TV show "The Office."

The truth is, I swear/curse most often if at all while golfing, bowling, or playing video games.

The truth is, I don't think being a bit of a hypocrite is as bad a thing as we make it out to be, we all do it a bit and need to get over that.

The truth is, I am way more terrified of being rejected by an attractive member of the opposite sex than I am of public speaking, sky diving, riding a motorcycle on a busy freeway in the dark, and playing with black widows.

The truth is, I hate talking to adults. All they jabber about is what they do for a living. Shouldn't work facilitate the most important things in ones life and not be the most important thing in ones life?

The truth is, as of this moment all of the above sentences are true, but I change my mind all the time. Example I used to hate squash, now I love it - steamed with lots of butter.

John Maxim

42 comments:

Adam & Cristina Smith said...

John, you crack me up!!
~Cristina

Brittney said...

Wow-what inspired you to bear your soul in such a bold fashion? Maybe that's too strong a phrase, but you did reveal a lot about yourself. I have to admit I didn't like everything on your list, and I'm guilty of doing several things you don't like, but that's not the point...I respect you for always being brave enough to tell it how it is.

Cameron's Corner said...

Dude... you left out at AT LEAST three "long"s in the one about my wife.

Seriously. At least three.

Emily said...

I don't even know what to say, but this is cool. Only you could be so brutally honest and still manage to talk about poo, spider sex, and swearing!

You really are a great sunday school teacher.

Amber said...

I loved this post and because I haven't really commented on any of your gas blogs I thought I better leave a message, just to be courteous.

I hate when people have music on their blogs, but I love "The Office."

I swear sometimes because I just think it sometimes sounds funnier then saying "shoot" or "dang".

And I'm pretty sure if I didn't have six knee surgeries I would be playing for the Women's US National soccer team.

I like this truth game.

Betsy said...

You just made my day! I love you even more then before now, and Cameron just for the record you are a hot piece of ***, John just isn't gay so he has a hard time seeing it,oh and you are funny too, but that's not why I married you, at the time I was way too shallow to care about anything but looks.

Devin said...

John

I have never heard you teach sunday school or played risk with you.

I have played indoor soccer with you and I just wanted to let you know that I honestly think you are the best indoor keeper I have seen/played with in my 18 years of playing indoor soccer and I'm not just blowin smoke up your butt.

Devin

JoRae aka Lolae said...

The Truth is . . .
You are definitely your own unique person. I know I wouldn't have it any other way.

Janey said...

The truth is John that I've always thought you were hot and intimidating but at the same time know you are a teddy bear beneath those cool walls you like to have.... explain this one?

Jen, RN said...

The truth is, if you could switch your face with your butt you'd get a lot more than chicks, it would also include a cover on the National Enquirer, your own world tour with the circus next to the world-famous two-headed donkey, perhaps even your own special on the Discovery Channel....just throwing it out there....

Amanda said...

I HATE when people have music on their blogs. I am often somewhere where I am not supposed to be reading random blogs and then everyone turns to look at the computer to see what I am doing. I totally agree.

Jenn said...

I'm really happy to know that I'm not the only one who hates to listen to other people's "blog" playlists. It's annoying and when I tell people that they think I'm stupid, so I'm happy to know I have someone on my side.

Anonymous said...

You contradicted yourself on point 2 and point 8 therefore making point 6 wrong all of the time. You cannot be awesome without confidence or intelligent by pretending to be confident.

Again, point 13 and 18 pose conflicting views probably from the example of point 4 where you’re comfortable talking about everything, but not internally working through the problem. Although I always justify my dating down to a 6, 6.5 by the reasoning of “If Beyonce can do it, so can I.” So good for you for aiming high.

Truth is: You think you put everything out there on display, but you’re highly closed off, yet still easy to read.

This comment was asked for by point 10.

Truth is: I hate that I even know about this blog, and find minor enjoyment in reading it.

LT said...

One time I saw the movie 'The Color of Money' with Tom Cruise. It gave me an idea...

What do you think about going on the road with me? I would mentor you and help you smooth out your rough edges as you win lots and lots of money at Risk? If I remember the movie right, there is a hot chick in there somewhere. So it's a win, win, win situation...

El Shake said...

What a relief! Someone else picks up dog poop with their bare hands! Thanks for helping me to know I'm not seriously disturbed.

Steph said...

You are a pretty good Sunday School teacher, but maybe not as good as I am. I bet if you work really hard you can be as good as me.

Rachelle said...

this was great, totally laughed outloud reading this. I don't know if i would ever dare say half the things you did....at least publicly!!

Annie said...

This is my attempt at commenting 7 out of 10 times I read your blog. I think 7 out of 10 is an unrealistic expectation, but now I have a goal. But the real question is am I supposed to comment on 7 out of 10 of your entries or 7 out of 10 times that I look at your blog?

Clarification would be appreciated.

Thank you. :)

Janet & Paul said...

John, check out our blog again, we got the poll up and running.

Scott said...

Whoa 20 comments!!! That is too cool, I had to jump on the bandwagon. Funniest part is the poop, followed by the popcorn, and then "anonymous" ripping you up is the cherry on top!

Once you get a chick, or rather "all the chicks" with your "buttface" (for lack of a better term) explain to me how the first kiss goes?

T Wolf said...

-The truth is(TTI), your butt is your best feature.
-TTI, I thought your last 5 posts were boring.
-TTI, I think annonymous posters are rude and yours should fess up!
-TTI, I love playlists on blogs.
-TTI, I think your great John, despite some of your lame opinins.
-The Beatles rule!!!

Scott Durns said...

I can tell 99% of the time when I am in a room with you and YOU THINK your the smartest person there... it makes me laugh.

Sweet post.

Quela said...

Do you really think you're the smartest person in the room 92% of the time or just pretend to be??

Heather said...

I know that I am so late on commenting on this post, but things have been crazy in my life. Anyway, I totally agree with you on the whole Beatles and the Office thing. Can't get into either of them. And, if I can remember correctly, your bum is pretty sweet!

SRA said...

*giggles*

The Pachuilo Family said...

Picking up dog poop with your hands is like the MTC for the butt-to-face operation. You should also try writing you next post with a 180lbs dude sitting on your head...

Heather D in LV said...

A little in love with yourself, or maybe just being smarter than everybody else by luring us in with a John-the-paradox feeling. I'm with "anonymous" you're way too contradictory.

butchers wife said...

In the past when I have tried setting you up I have told them to check out your blog. If someone didn't already know you though this post would make you sound like a D*@# so I can't use that anymore.

Good thing I know you and think you are awesome! Just so you know too, on commenting I think it's more like 1 out of 10, not 7 out of 10.

KATEMARIE said...

PS---I love you.

(I had to get that PS out before I trash on you, just so all who read this know how madly deeply in love I am with you....in a, I wouldn't really want to makeout with you sort of way, but more of a, I will tell you how I feel sorta way because you are like my cute brother sort of way)

Representing all who have music on their blogs. Duh. It's our blog. Deal with it. Mute it. Quit whining about it my little doll/buttface. My song changes with each blog entry I post. Hmmmm...ever notice how a song can inspire. Poo inspires some. Music another.

And just for the record. Yes, you are smart most of the time. I think I typically hang out with you only 8% of your time anyway...so that must be what is coming to mind.

Paul said...

Ahhh, the truth, glad you're finally be honest about everything, though you could probably write for days if you were truly to bear your soul

Saule Cogneur said...

I know first hand what playing with black widows is like. When they bite you, you can just go to the hospital for the antidote, and as long as you do it before your body stops moving, you're fine.

When a woman rejects you on the other hand...SOL.

Anonymous said...

The truth is I have a major crush on you, but could never tell you because I only know you from a far... and I don't know how to get to know you.

Janey said...

you are going crazy right now!

mmilius said...

John- You are hilarious! The good thing about you is that you are honest. But remind me to never shake your hand. I won't know if you've been out picking up dog crap. Oh, and here's to good manners!
Luvyaman - Mel

Anonymous said...

As long as I've known you, I have never understood how you could captivate, intrigue, and repulse me in a single breath. I adore and detest it at the same time.

Joe Sartori said...

Hey John, How's it going? Hey on your profile pic, is that a can of soda in your Right pocket or are you just happy to be under that rock?

Anonymous said...

The truth is: Most of these comments were made by girls. That means you must be doing something right. Keep on rockin' in the free world, John.

Au said...

That last comment was posted by me, I don't know why it says anonymous...

Craig Barlow B. said...

I really like Lord of the Rings Risk. I will play it any time you or anyone else wants to. I think I'm a pretty handy Risk player myself.

steph k said...

I read your blog post, so I'm leaving a comment since it's good manners. I like your truths. Thanks for posting them!

courtneyterrygirl said...

Just found this from your other blog and I'm practicing my good manners, I totally agree with you about the office. I've been forced to watch a season of it and I would have rather donated blood everyday of my life then watch it again.

randomstuffwelike said...

You should check out the original British version of The Office, not its paler American counterpart.