Monday was the "Less Than Jake" concert! Some of you (anybody with a Facebook account who I'm friends with) were invited to "John Maxim Loves Less Than Jake Day!" For those friends who did come along, a day of raging excitement was enjoyed.
The concert was at a new venue, "The Murray Theatre" which was pretty cool, well the set up was cool, the temperature was horrible. Apparently the air conditioner was broken, it was easily 110 degrees in the arena, and the dancing hadn't even started.
Four bands were playing, the first two were notable, I had heard a couple of their songs, and they did a pretty good show, but I was conserving my energy to avoid an incident like I had at the MXPX concert. So I stood near the back middle and did the "two step" during their shows.
Goldfinger came on, and I had managed to push my way into the third row of smashed fans by their second song. They put on a really good show, an outstanding show. Strictly as showmen, I'd dare say Goldfinger was the best band of the night. The lead singer said "I'm 41, and if you're younger than me and aren't rocking as hard as I am I am going to come down there and..." It set a precedence for some pretty hard rocking. Then on the very next song he said, "I'd like to thank the venue for not having a barricade here so that you guys can be right up to the stage and we can have a real punk show. My stage is your stage, come on up!" A flood of about 30 people jumped up on stage!
Once on stage there we were standing around and moshing right there with the band. In this photo you can see the side of my head directly behind the lead singer, you can Identify me because of my sideburn. There we were having a good time singing along and dancing. With about 30 seconds of the song left, I see a bunch of guys doing stage dives into the audience. They would stand on the edge of the stage and then kind of fall forward onto a sea of hands. Some thought went through my head like "what a bunch of pansy's", clearly I wasn't thinking very, er - uh... clearly. I saw a speaker box on the front of the stage that stood about three feet higher. I just ran strait at it, jumped off of it and did a swan dive right into the audience. Perhaps it was the fact that I had run, or jumped as high as I could. Possibly it was the fact that I am a 200 pound 30 year old with a larger than average butt, whatever the reason with the bulk of the hard core fans on the stage there was room to move on the floor. As I floated gracefully through the air, I witnessed a similar thing to what Moses must have seen when God parted the Red Sea for him. The people below me moved out of the way. All except for this one guy, who I'll call "Dude." Dude faithfully attempted to catch me all on his own. The fear on his face was very entertaining! He reached his hands out and moved them side to side to make sure he got me, then he noticed everyone else was gone. He grit his teeth, closed his eyes, turned his head half to the side, and stood his ground. He caught me mid-torso, and my head butted against another guys head behind Dude that was still in the process of moving out of the way. The inertia of my fall was way too much and Dude fell on his back breaking my fall. Dude, the guy whose headed I butted, and I all picked our selves up off the floor and high fived each other, while screaming things like "Rock on!" and "Oh yeah!" and just continued to mosh.
I had no Idea anything was wrong until someone grabbed my arms from behind so I couldn't turn around, and started pulling me out of the crowd, really forcefully against my will. I fought it, and looked back noticing it was one of the very large Tongan bouncers. We got into the lobby and I said "Whats the problem!?" He said, "Yourour bleeding pretty badly brother." My head was a little sore from the headbutt. I reached my hand up to the pain and sure enough it came down into my vision covered in blood. I walked into the bathroom, and thought - I should probably take a picture of this for my blog.
I cleaned up the wound, and it really wasn't that terrible, I thought, but everyone else said that it needed stitch's and that I should go to the emergency room. If I did that I would miss the very band I came to see, I would miss my favorite band of all time who I hadn't seen in 9 years!!! I finished the Goldfinger show in the back, frustrated that I couldn't go out into the mosh pit, because it was a really good crowd and looked like a lot of fun. I was just worried about getting elbowed above the eye again thereby making it worse.
The show got over and I decided there was no way I was going to sit back during "Less Than Jake." So, I ran across the street and bought myself some Krazy Glue. I went back to the concert (for those of you who don't go to concerts there is usually 15-20 minutes between bands) and had some of my friends try to glue my wound closed. Who was the crack team of professionals who undertook this endeavor you ask? My Lawyer, Mike Bringhurst, took lead, and he was assisted by Jane Gardiner, who is an infant ICU nurse. I stood three steps below them in the arena. and looked up, they proceeded to glue the gash. A crowd of people gathered to witness the surgery. All was going well until Jane accidentally glued her finger to my lower eyebrow! She must have been distracted because she was talking about how the glue and blood was mixing into a reddish goo. She quickly ripped her finger back which pulled my ow-ee open more, and took about 23 hairs with it. After a couple more applications and a little more care I had a red lump of glue above my eye. I tapped on it a couple of times and it seemed to be an outstanding seal. Moments later, Less Than Jake took the stage, and the fun really began.
As advertised Less Than Jake put on a great show... if it were possible to measure I'm pretty sure I would have been in the top 3 people having the most fun. My eye was unharmed, though there was one close call. While meandering through the mosh pit one time. I saw an elbow coming strait for my injury... the "slow-mo sensation" kicked in and I was able to turn my head, whilst groaning, just enough to block the elbow with my nose. It hurt pretty bad, and I couldn't see for a few seconds due to all the water in my eyes, however, it was a welcome sensation to the alternative. I only got a tiny bruise on my nose from that.
It was so hot, I never sweat so much in my life. Near the end of the concert I even took my shirt off. I learned that people don't like sweaty body's, because with my shirt off my glistening bod seemed to repel people to within six inch's of me. Instead of shoulder to shoulder like usual. It easily ranks as the "best concert ever" I look forward to seeing them again!
PS - I also look forward to more concerts at the Murray Theatre, if they fix the A/C.
PPS - The day I spent 2 hours swabbing my wound with rubbing alcohol to get all the glue out, and the excruciating pain which ensued is a story for another day.