Thursday, November 6, 2008

First Date Questions

I will often ask some of the same questions on a first date to try and determine if the lady I am with is qualified to be in my company. It's amazing how most all of them are. They always ask me the same questions back, so I have jotted down my pat answers to uh, a few of my pat questions:

Do you like soccer?
JOHN: I love soccer. A lot. I didn’t start playing till I was 24, and the only regret I have in life is that I didn’t start playing earlier. When I was in High school, I played Baseball, and thought soccer was gay. Then when I was 24 I only started playing to try and impress a girl… the girl thing didn’t pan out, but I found soccer. We were made for each other. If soccer was a chick, I’d marry her.

Do you have any pets?
JOHN: Yep, two dogs. My Dogo Argentino (that’s is a breed) is named Vodka and he is 7, and my Border collie/rat terrier mix is is named Movie and he is 7 also, I baby them pretty badly, but instead of talking baby talk, I usually pick them up a cheeseburger anytime I get fast food.

Which character do you think is sexier? Indiana Jones or James Bond.
JOHN: I think Indiana is a little sexier. Both are sexy, but when I compare the sweaty, hairy chest, getting dirty, sun baked skin, and whip versus the slick, tuxedo clad, PPK wielding, champagne connoisseur. I like my men a little more manly and not so emotionally calloused as Mr. Bond.

Which do you like better, if at all? The Simpson’s, Family Guy, South Park
JOHN: I love the Simpson’s. I think the Family guy is okay. I didn’t used to like Southpark much, but recently I have been watching it and finding it very funny so I am changing my mind.

What's your favorite season, and why?
JOHN: I love summer. I can have more fun, walks, picnics, skateboarding, yard work, beach, hiking, biking. All kinds of really fun things that I can do in the summer. Give me a beautiful sunny day where I can wear shorts and it’s pretty hard for me to have a bad day.

What is something embarrassing that has happened to you?
JOHN: I was on a date when I was 18. It was a group date, and I crapped my pants. Really crapped them, not like - I thought I was farting and a little turd popped out, I crapped my pants, and they all knew it. Since then I don’t get embarrassed. Bad as it sounds, it is a pretty funny story, but it's better told with hand gestures than typed.

Do you prefer hot dogs or hamburgers?
JOHN: I love hot dogs, but only under certain conditions. I have to have either sauerkraut or Dill relish, not hotdog relish or sweet relish. I also love tomato’s on my wiener. If I don’t have those, then I would rather take a burger any day, but usually when presented with the choice I eat both if I can.

What female celebrity (or male, if that's what you're into) do you find most attractive, and why?
JOHN: My top three female actresses are Jessica Alba, Kristen Bell, and Kate Beckinsale. I don’t know why exactly, but I catch my mouth open more often when they are on screen then others.

In the freezing cold do you start your car & run back in the house till it’s warm, or do you just jump in and go, shivering till it warms up?
JOHN: I freeze the arse. I am never prepared enough to warm up the car.

What is a question I would never ask you? and what is the answer?
JOHN: You would never ask me: "Describe the sensation one feels when they put toothpaste on their nipples?" However, if you did, I would furrow my brow thinking of the experience and then go on to regale you with a description of pain, awful burning pain. The kind you feel for a couple of days. I do not recommend it.


Brittney said...

Why, why would you put toothpaste on your nipples?????

Laura Lee said...

Sorry, I don't have a comment about your blog post but I just watched your movie reviews (thanks for adding that since I haven't seen anything on the CE blog recently).

I paid full price for Ghost Town and felt good about it. But I also thought of Heart and Souls when I saw the promo, and I agree with you John, Heart and Souls is better.

If I need a laugh this afternoon, I'm coming back to watch you guys discuss Condoleeza Rice again because that was the funniest thing I've seen all week.

Jaime Van Hoose Steele said...

I'm trying to fathom how someone not in diapers can fully crap their pants...hmmm...was it something your date found sexy so you thought you would try it?? Did Cameron put you up to it?? Pumpkin, sometimes it's OK to just say no and walk away.

Cameron's Corner said...

I'm sure it had something to do with Ex-Lax all over his Chicken Fingers!

SRA said...

tomatoes on your wiener...*snicker snicker*...

Rachelle said...

A question I always asked on a date, or just when i would meet new people was "if you had two tickets to anywhere in the world, who would you take and where would you go?"

thats so weird that you didnt marry the girl when you crapped your pants in front of her. I wonder if Betsy had crapped instead of peed if Cameron would have married her????

dre said...

I love tomatos on my hot dogs! and I started soccer to impress a guy. It's like you are my stunt double.

Rob said...

Glad to see you using the picture I took of you crushing that hot dog. Very sexy.

Anonymous said...

I was on a date once and a guy fully crapped his pants, too! But it wasn't you.

Maybe that happens all the time out in the world and no one admits it.

Bravo to you for admitting it.

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