Saturday, September 12, 2009

Retrospect posts

Obviously my blog is suffering from writers block or something. Clearly I have been struggling since February. What happened? I have analyzed and discuss with others the many reasons for this. I have come to a conclusion that will hopefully lead to me blogging and actually doing what I intended in the beginning. I think that I was well intentioned when I started. I wanted a place and a reason to write the story of my life. A journal. My problem with journal writing has always been, whats the purpose of writing (anything) if no one is going to read it?

I know that a case can be made for one reading their own thoughts for clarity and stuff. However that just doesn't motivate me. I realized the real reason I write a blog is to entertain others and make myself feel cool. Even when my posterity reads it (keeping in line with the whole journal thing) I hope they are entertained. It stopped being about documenting my life and got to a point where I was forcing myself to write. All I cared about was how many followers and subscribers I had. If I got less then 10 comments on a post I wondered what was wrong with that post... maybe I should have been funnier? or it was too long?

Eventually, it became apparent that I was not going to become an overnight blogging sensation, loved and revered by all whom read. No, subconsciously I realized I was just another blog, that though I was entertaining some people it wasn't getting me the attention I was craving... without really choosing to do so, I just sorta lost interest because the blog stopped feeding my ego.

So... what am I doing on my blog writing again? Is my post only being written to convince you that you should make comments and tell all your friends about me? No, I mean it wouldn't hurt, but really, I like writing. I like telling stories, and deep down if no one ever reads my blog again, I like having a journal.

I have wondered how I could overcome my burning need for attention and write in this blog despite my aforementioned feelings. I have decided to start slow and with a purpose. It dawned on me that pre-blog, I had a lot of things that I wrote with the intention of putting them into story format for later. I have nearly 3 or 4 dozen possible posts that are all in one respect or another pretty much already written.

There is the notebook that I wrote all about my experiences dating, falling in love with, and marrying Lara. I have a few letters that I sent out during our marriage, a couple of thoughts written on napkins, and even a paper plate full of information that would make a phenomenal post. I have another notepad which I wrote in nearly every night between the day Lara told me she was leaving me and the day she actually left me. A few blog posts that I started and never finished, and some documents on my computer with story's from the last days and experiences I had with my son Roe.

I know what you're thinking... deep stuff, not to mention pretty personal. Well, I feel have often felt like I need to write these things down. I feel like if I post them on my blog it will get me blogging for a different and more important reason then what my original intentions morphed into. Hopefully it will lead to a less narcissistic blogging habit. I am going to start finishing and fine tuning some of these writings and posting them chronologically according to the date they happened or were written.

You will have a hard time finding them unless you are already following or subscribed to my blog because I plan on back dating them automatically in the archives (kind of the way I did the "Adoption Chronicles" series I wrote.) If you're following my blog it will show up in your post feed. But the newest post on my blog (this one) will remain the same for a while. I plan on posting two or three times a month so don't expect it to come fast.

Anyway, we'll see if this little experiment works. Stay tuned.

John

I decided to update this post as I post new posts.

Lara: Episode 1 (back dated to May 11th, 2002 on 10/5/09)
Lara: Episode 2 (back dated to May 22nd, 2002 on 10/25/09)

13 comments:

Amber said...

I'm glad that you decided to start blogging again! I think that a lot of bloggers get into your same rut of wanting to entertain others when their initial intention was to keep a journal, with that being said don't be annoyed when my blog becomes all about my hopefully soon new addition! I'm excited for your new chronicles; I'm sure they will be very insightful.

Cameron's Corner said...

You should disable the comments part of your blog. Maybe then it will force you to write for other reasons and not be depressed when you don't get as many comments as you'd hoped for.

Devin & Amanda said...

So, I don't "follow" anyone's blog officially... but I now follow yours so I can know when you update it. Feel special. You aren't even family.

SRA said...

Good.

Henderson Family said...

You know it always seems to me that the postst that I think are the dummest or the ones I spend the least amount of energy writing are the ones that I receive the comments on. Either that or I have to announce I'm pregnant or had a new baby or something. Otherwise I don't get any feed back. But I'm like you I have a hard time journaling if what is being written is never read. There seem to always be more people that actually read my blog than write comments. Anyway, I'm glad you've found renewed purpose in blogging.

jaime said...

I'm stoked to start reading your blogs again, especially more personal ones. It could be scary though, delving into John's inner psyche...chilling! :-)

Cook with Tom said...

Thank jebus you're back. I've missed the Jon Maxim style of humor.

K A T E M A R I E said...

I just like to leave comments like all of my friends :)

20 Something said...

Just stumbled upon your blog. I really am interested on reading it, Hopefully subscribing to it now will let me read what you post.
Thanks for being so open and sharing.

Kirsten "Fi" said...

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. *pensive look*

Average Joe said...

yeah, I want your blog back

Craig Barlow B. said...

John, I too crave comments. It seems like the more people that read my blog, the less people that actually comment on it. And unlike you, I don't get over 10 posts on nearly anything, especially after a 6 month hiatus, so I think you should feel pretty good about that.

Anonymous said...

I hope, it's OK