Thursday, January 31, 2008


I found an old true story that I wrote 7 years ago. Some of you may remember this when I mailed it "Snail Mail" back on 01'. You can find it in my archives under the date above. It's long, about a 12 minute read.

Monday, January 28, 2008


I heard last night about the death of President Gordon B. Hinkley. I actually received exactly 33 text messages informing me of the old mans passing between 8 and 10pm. My personal feelings are that this is outstanding news!

Don't get me wrong, President Hinkley has been a big part of my life. I never doubted that he was God's prophet on the earth. I remember sort of waking up a little in 'early morning Seminary' my Junior year of High School, the day I heard that he became Prophet. I don't really remember my thoughts about it cause I think I went back to sleep. He was the Prophet who called me on my Mission... and also the one who signed my mission transfer papers. I never actually met him or anything, but he had the uncanny ability to keep me coherent during his talks in General Conference. Pretty much he has been the Prophet for all of my formidable and important years. He was the guy through puberty, my mission, college (or lack there of), marriage, fatherhood, and divorce. I have gathered strength and wisdom from him as a leader for the last 13 years. He will no doubt be one of, if not my favorite prophet of all time.

I am really glad though that now he is back with his wife and his Heavenly Father. The guy was 97! 97 is a long, long time. That's a good life, and a lot of good years. With his wife gone almost four years ago, I wonder if it was to many years? I'm guessing, and this is just my theory here, but I think that when you get to the spirit world you must get at least a whole day or something to just spend time with your spouse, you know 24 hours of some good alone, catching up, time together. Sometime before "Spirit World Orientation" or whatever goes on there. I will never forget his influence in my life, and I'm certain that I'm right there with Millions of others.

I just hope that as Prophet Tom Monson can also keep me alert during General Conference, which as an apostle he has thus far had a difficult time doing. I find his speech patterns just a little too soothing, like ocean waves or jungle ambiance. Monson's the guy we need to be mourning for... "Prophet to the world", and "President of the Church" those are some pretty big titles to be responsible for! I know he'll be great, but I bet today he's as nervous as he's ever been.

John Maxim

Tuesday, January 15, 2008


I used to write an email periodical that I called "on the john". Every time I made a new friend I would save their email and add it to this vast email list, and I would send them these letters which basically consisted of my "life an times". I always felt a little imposing forcing my email on people, though if you know me well you know that I am a very imposing individual by nature, however, just because I am good at imposing doesn't mean the thought doesn't illicit some sort of guilty feelings. So imagine my excitement when I found out about blogs.* A gap of any significance in my periodical would pass and people would say to me, "John, I haven't got an "on the john" for a while?" Granted, my email list got to nearly 1600 names, so when 3 or 4 of them mention my letter it's not really that significant, but made me feel good non-the-less. So, what my scattered rambling is leading to is the creation of this blog. It will replace my "on the john" letters. In recent years I have written my personal journal in third person, mostly because its fun, and it makes for a better read. So I will write some of my blog posts in third person, through "Johnny Metropolis" and some of them will be written by me, obviously in first person. This will be determined by which ever format I think will best convey the tale. Anyway, I hope you read, but again, if you don't I don't really care, because I have always had a difficult time writing in my journal, and this is the best way I am able to keep one. Also, I have most of my old letters, and I will be uploading them up to the blog occasionally in the archives section.

John Maxim

*I really haven't blogged or used blogs until the beginning of this year, this doesn't mean that I wouldn't have been able to define for somebody what a blog was, I just wasn't hip enough to know what the possibilities actually were.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008


Those of us who have stayed close to John Maxim over the past year saw how the life events he was dealing with contributed to some major weight gain. I mean he was getting fat, and he had that longer hair. Unfortunately, this photo doesn't do justice to the weight, but he's definitely looking a little ugly here. Regardless, he knew the weight thing was a problem. Sometime in the summer, I think after he had to take his shirt off at a pool party or two he started talking about trying to lose the extra weight he had gained since his divorce. I remember him mentioning, "I turn 30 this year, I've always wanted to be able to say 'I may be 30, but I'm in the best shape of my life' I better start working towards that." Of course in Maxim's regular procrastinating manner he didn't start for a while and it seemed as though he was just going to go for a Chris Farley look. Then in about September he hired a personal trainer and went on this ridiculous "high protein" diet. One time I saw him eat 5 cans of salmon in one day! His new slogan was "30 by 30." Hoping that he could lose 30 pounds by his 30th birthday. (November 19th) I remember him doing very well on his diet and exercise. Losing 30 pounds in two months is hardly healthy, but John didn't care. When John started his diet and exercise he weighed a whopping 226 pounds, that's about 46 over the optimum for his height. His birthday came, and he had lost 22 lbs, a feat I think commendable. John stopped the insane diet but continued working out on his own. Yesterday, he and I went swimming, and weighed ourselves. Even with the holidays and complete lack of canned salmon John weighed in a respectable 196 pounds! Finally reaching his "30 by 30" I think congratulations are in order... however... I see him naked frequently enough that "best shape of his life" is definitely not where he is at, but it's not completely out of reach either.

Johnny Metropolis

Wednesday, January 2, 2008


Having been over a year since John Maxim's divorce, he thought it prudent to throw a New Years eve party. This used to be (in his pre-marriage days) one of his more prominent talents. As I understand it, his singles ward wanted to use his house for a "Ward New Years Party" and he figured that would be great. It would enlist helpers in the setting up and in the financing of the little shin-dig. I got the text invite, and forwarded it to all of my friends as instructed. They invited their friends... and a lot of people showed up... I mean a lot!

When I arrived I could not believe my eyes. There must have been 20 people in the front yard just trying to get inside. Discussion with some fellow party patrons, prompted me to try and figure out how many people were in the house at one time. I have made some simple calculations based on the square footage of John's home. First, the fact that you couldn't move because it was shoulder to shoulder standing room only. Then if you figure the average adult is 8" thick and 22" wide, throw in 6" of personal space. Calculate that, and then subtract 200 people to compensate for moving space, furniture, and the don't-stand-in-the-way-of-the-two-people-playing-guitar-hero gap. That puts... not unrealistically, 514 people in the Maxim home at one time. I know what your thinking, "That sounds preposterous?" But, if you were there you know that this is not an unrealistic figure.

This is further evidenced by fact that at approximately 11:30 pm. Everyone at the party heard the loud "CRACK" that was then followed by another loud "CRACK". I was in the kitchen at the time, and saw John shoving his way through the crowd frantically heading towards the dance floor. A few seconds later the music stopped. Which of course was followed loudly by wailing disapproval. The dancing was, as the cool kids say, "off the hook," and as a result the floor in the living room broke! Literally! From above you could see and feel the three to four inch dip in the floor. I was told that John went down to the basement after the audible cracking and that's when he discovered the damage.

John knew of course that turning the music off was the only way to insure that people didn't start falling through the floor. Five of the floor joists cracked as you can see in the picture below. Luckily, even with the damage the floor was sturdy enough that without the rhythmic bouncing that dancing promotes it held out until the party ended. Most people stuck around despite the glaring lack of music, gum was still handed out and new years kissing was abound at the stroke of midnight. In spite of the near calamity, fun seemingly was had by all.

I asked John about his floor and he stated simply, "This will just give me a really good excuse to throw another party in a couple of months, it'll be called the 'The floor is fixed dance party' wait for the text."

Trust me friends, I'll be waiting.

-Johnny Metropolis