Friday, June 27, 2008


I don't have a lot of time today, and wanted to get in another post. My last post "The Truth is..." drew way more attention then I could've imagined. Great comments people. Some of your comments make me feel compelled to respond and so rather than posting something interesting I just decided to post this:

Cameron's Corner said...
Dude... you left out at AT LEAST three "long"s in the one about my wife. Seriously. At least three.
Yeah, I know. You are my best friend, and I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.

Janey said...
The truth is John that I've always thought you were hot and intimidating but at the same time know you are a teddy bear beneath those cool walls you like to have.... explain this one?

I’m like a peanut butter M&M. An amazingly soft-n-Scrumptious peanut buttery center is discovered once you make it past the hard candy shell. Both layers are desirable and every body wants me - er I mean, wants one.

Anonymous said...
You contradicted yourself on point 2 and point 8 therefore making point 6 wrong all of the time. You cannot be awesome without confidence or intelligent by pretending to be confident. Again, point 13 and 18 pose conflicting views probably from the example of point 4 where you’re comfortable talking about everything, but not internally working through the problem. Although I always justify my dating down to a 6, 6.5 by the reasoning of “If Beyonce can do it, so can I.” So good for you for aiming high. Truth is: You think you put everything out there on display, but you’re highly closed off, yet still easy to read. This comment was asked for by point 10.Truth is: I hate that I even know about this blog, and find minor enjoyment in reading it.

If you look like Beyonce and settle for 6’s then we should go out, we could discuss the shortsightedness of your evaluation of my “truth” post over dinner. Shall I pick you up at 7?

LT said...
One time I saw the movie 'The Color of Money' with Tom Cruise. It gave me an idea... What do you think about going on the road with me? I would mentor you and help you smooth out your rough edges as you win lots and lots of money at Risk? If I remember the movie right, there is a hot chick in there somewhere. So it's a win, win, win situation...
I love the scene where the hot chick starts kissing me, and amidst the passion she knocks over the Risk board spilling the pieces all over the floor. That's hot!

Steph said...
You are a pretty good Sunday School teacher, but maybe not as good as I am. I bet if you work really hard you can be as good as me.
Um… yeah.

Annie said...
This is my attempt at commenting 7 out of 10 times I read your blog. I think 7 out of 10 is an unrealistic expectation, but now I have a goal. But the real question is am I supposed to comment on 7 out of 10 of your entries or 7 out of 10 times that I look at your blog? Clarification would be appreciated.Thank you. :)

I have already changed my mind on this point. As people were calling me a hypocrite I was reviewing my points and found that 5 out of 10 is more likely the proper ratio. Personally I find that I generally will comment on every other blog post whether it deserves it or not. Furthermore I think if a blog (mine included) isn’t entertaining enough for you to read every post that you shouldn’t have to comment on past posts that you missed. If you only read it once a month, and keep to a 5 out of 10 ratio, then you should comment 6 times a year. Again just for the sake of good manners.

Scott said...
Whoa 20 comments!!! That is too cool, I had to jump on the bandwagon. Funniest part is the poop, followed by the popcorn, and then "anonymous" ripping you up is the cherry on top! Once you get a chick, or rather "all the chicks" with your "buttface" (for lack of a better term) explain to me how the first kiss goes?
When you kiss your first girl Scott, you will understand.

T Wolf said...
-The truth is(TTI), your butt is your best feature.

-TTI, I thought your last 5 posts were boring.
-TTI, I think annonymous posters are rude and yours should fess up!
-TTI, I love playlists on blogs.
-TTI, I think your great John, despite some of your lame opinins.
-The Beatles rule!!!
We never have agreed on much have we Tara. I’m sorry the “gas” posts were mundane, I did a lot of work cataloguing and chronicling the trip, so I felt like I had to post it even though when I started I did confide in some peers that I thought some might find it boring. I actually really like anonymous comments. I think you’ll seldom hear the truth if not from an anonymous comment. Which is why I happily have allowed them on my blog and will not berate them for doing so. An anonymous comment is better than no comment at all, and sometimes better than one with a name attached.

Quela said...
Do you really think you're the smartest person in the room 92% of the time or just pretend to be??

Percentages and statistics are very difficult to accurately calculate. I did not use the scientific method to determine how often I feel this way, 92% was just a guess. However I never “pretend” to be the smartest, in fact I like to dumb down in most social settings.

The Pachuilo Family said...
Picking up dog poop with your hands is like the MTC for the butt-to-face operation. You should also try writing your next post with a 180lbs dude sitting on your head...

You mean a 180lb dog sitting on my head right? I never pick up dude poo, just dog poo. My dog only weighs 150.

PS---I love you. (I had to get that PS out before I trash on you, just so all who read this know how madly deeply in love I am with a, I wouldn't really want to makeout with you sort of way, but more of a, I will tell you how I feel sorta way because you are like my cute brother sort of way) Representing all who have music on their blogs. Duh. It's our blog. Deal with it. Mute it. Quit whining about it my little doll/buttface. My song changes with each blog entry I post. Hmmmm...ever notice how a song can inspire. Poo inspires some. Music another. And just for the record. Yes, you are smart most of the time. I think I typically hang out with you only 8% of your time that must be what is coming to mind.
Everything you said is stupid! But I love you, in a, you are a bag of flaming hot cheetos that I just opened and is full of flaming hot cheetos sort of way.

Anonymous said...
The truth is I have a major crush on you, but could never tell you because I only know you from a far... and I don't know how to get to know you.

It’s been said by someone (one of the 8%) smarter then me “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” Having quoted that I’m sure there is a percentage of shots you’ll miss that you do take too. When you say “a far” are we talking Provo… Provo is too far. Also if you’re not a girl I don’t swing that way, and for that I am sorry. One of the best relationships I had was with a girl who called and asked me out… Adam you remember that, she called you and asked for me… ha ha ha one of the shining moments of my life was the look on your face.

Janey said...
you are going crazy right now!
Um.. I think you left the first part of your comment off, cause I don’t know what you’re talking about…

John Maxim

Friday, June 20, 2008

The Truth is...

The truth is, I hate it when people have song playlists that automatically play on their blogs. Seriously, if I am able to listen to music, I would already be listening to my music instead of that stupid crap you like!

The truth is, if I met myself, I wouldn't like me. Yet I think I am totally awesome! Figure that one out.

The truth is, I never worry about the end of the world or dying. Both are going to happen whether I worry about them or not.

The truth is, I am perfectly comfortable talking about and answering questions about my divorce and the loss of my son. Although if you want to know I have kept extensive records which can be found in the archives of this blog.

The truth is, I don't care how bad it is for me, how late at night it is, how over-priced it is, how many big mac's it equals, or how fat I am, I will always eat movie theater popcorn at the movies.

The truth is, 92% of the time I think I am the smartest person in the room.

The truth is, I think my friend Cameron's wife, Betsy, is hot and never could figure out how he scored her. I guess funny goes a long... long... long way.

The truth is, I am really not very confident, but I am excellent at pretending like I am.

The truth is, I think my best physical feature is my butt. If I could switch my butt with my face I would get all the chicks.

The truth is, I think if you read someones blog you should make a comment on seven out of ten of their posts. It's good manners.

The truth is, I like spiders. When I was 15 I used to go catch black widows and try to get them to breed, it never worked, but now I don't kill spiders unless asked to by a girl. I usually catch them and send them into the wild. I even let a couple live in parts my house.

The truth is, I actually think I am one of the best Sunday school teachers in the world, one of the best risk players in the world, and one of the best indoor soccer goal keepers in the world. And, I believe it is only a matter of time before I am significantly humbled in all three of these beliefs.

The truth is, I know on the "looks only" scale I am a 6, maybe a 5.5, but I only want to date 8-10's.

The truth is, I pick up dry dog poop with my bare hands all the time.

The truth is, I don't really like "The Beatles" no matter how many people tell me how great they are and what they've done for society. I feel the same way about the TV show "The Office."

The truth is, I swear/curse most often if at all while golfing, bowling, or playing video games.

The truth is, I don't think being a bit of a hypocrite is as bad a thing as we make it out to be, we all do it a bit and need to get over that.

The truth is, I am way more terrified of being rejected by an attractive member of the opposite sex than I am of public speaking, sky diving, riding a motorcycle on a busy freeway in the dark, and playing with black widows.

The truth is, I hate talking to adults. All they jabber about is what they do for a living. Shouldn't work facilitate the most important things in ones life and not be the most important thing in ones life?

The truth is, as of this moment all of the above sentences are true, but I change my mind all the time. Example I used to hate squash, now I love it - steamed with lots of butter.

John Maxim

Thursday, June 19, 2008

A gas tank in the life of John Maxim: Day five

Day 5
May 6th, 2008

at 7:04am
after traveling 21.1 miles
I arrived at the gym
I worked shoulders, tri’s, and back today. None of the usually really hot girls were around, I think it’s too early… probably because they are all Moms who are getting their kids ready for school or something. Either way, there was a definite lack of eye candy. I left at 8:11am.

at 8:24am
after traveling 5.7 miles
I arrived at my office
For the first time since we moved into this office I got a spot in the front. Parking here has always been a nightmare, I guess this gives a little credence to the saying “the early bird gets the worm.” As I walked to the door there was a woman I had never seen before on her cell phone who was pacing the sidewalk. As I walked by her I heard her say, “…think a little bit about how you’d run a drug empire if you ever got the chance…” I have no idea in what conversation that could fit, her tone was very serious, and there was nothing jovial about her demeanor, but it gave me plenty of daydreaming to do while at work. I left the office at 12:31pm.

at 12:38pm
after traveling 5.6 miles
The chick voice my car said “Please refuel”
I was on I-215 headed to my sisters to get a haircut. I looked at the indicator on my dash and it said that I had 56 miles left to go. I wished for a minute that the chick voice in my car could be customized. Like how cool would it be if my car had Jessica Alba’s voice and I could insert my name? She could say something like “You’re almost out of gas John, let’s pull over!” Think of it, I don’t see a downside, except for maybe an inappropriate relationship with my car. I should market this idea and sell it to the masses – too bad I’m lazy. Now I have posted this great idea on the worldwide web for someone to steal.

at 12:44pm
after traveling 11.1 miles
I arrived at my sister’s salon in Sandy
The greatest thing about getting my haircut by my sister is that she is very well connected… or rather that she cuts so many peoples hair that I know, that while sitting in her chair I get to hear about the paramount and meager happenings of all of my friends and family’s lives. The bad thing about my haircut is that it always looks so good after she does it, I can never recreate it. I left at 1:17pm

at 1:46pm
after traveling 37.7 miles
I arrived at Equity Solutions in Bountiful
Did some boring work stuff while here, signatures and follow up. My cousin-in-law Troy let me listen to some funny Dane Cook skits and we listened to some butt rock singer that I hadn’t ever heard of and can’t for the life of me remember his name. I left at 3:42pm

at 4:04pm
after traveling 14.9 miles
I arrived home
Mid-way through this trip my mile indicator hit zero. I was waiting for it to run out of gas, but it never did. I spent a little time cleaning my house and fixing my air-conditioner. Tonight is the Pennywise concert. My friend Mindi showed up, and we headed to the concert. We left at 7:44pm

at 8:13pm
after traveling 16.5 miles
we arrived at The Great Saltair in… nowhere
The concert was outstanding, even though about 10 people who said they were coming totally flaked. Oh well it was their loss. Mindi and I didn’t hang during the concert she spent the evening up on the balcony watching while I got drenched in the sweaty madness that we call a mosh pit. It was the best mosh pit I have been in since… well since Pennywise’s concert during the 2002 winter Olympics. They really know what they’re doing because I never party so hard any other time. Mindi’s face when she saw me soaked from head to toe with sweat was priceless. I think if it would have dawned on her that only 12% of it was my sweat she may have found another way home. We left the concert at 11:12pm

at 11:30pm
after traveling 16.4 miles
we arrived back at my house
I had kind of forgotten but realized halfway through this trip that my car had hit zero almost 20 miles ago. Unsuspecting Mindi had no idea that at any moment my car could run out of gas. I began to get very nervous, well a nervous excited hybrid. I was excited for this gas tank to be over, it has been very taxing keeping all these notes everywhere I go so that I could keep this little log. We made it back to my house without ill effect though, and I started to wonder if maybe I got one of those amazing cars that never runs out of gas. Mindi went home, and I went inside. My roommates were all gone, and I decided I wanted some pie, Banana Cream to be exact. I sent out a mass text seeing if anyone was game for some midnight pie. My friend Kelly responded that she would happily meet me at the Village Inn. I left my house at 12:03am

I started the trip continuing to marvel at the distance I had traveled. The quote from Top Gun kept running through my head “We’re running on vapor Mav!” I was driving down 400 South, and at a red light I pulled up to a Mustang. I like being next to mustangs because they will usually race me off the line. I turned of my AC and put my transmission in to “sport” anticipating that I would zoom off and they would pull off slowly like it usual. Then as the crosswalk hit 5 on its countdown, I heard the guy rev his engine. He was gonna race me! I got ready – GREEN – I floored it, and nothing happened, then a small burst and then nothing, and then some sputtering. My car was moving very slowly... the mustang sped off. Then my car started hauling as though nothing was wrong. I realized at this point that I was going to be completely out of gas at any moment. The car continued to sputter along, losing power, and stalling here and there. Amazingly I made it all the way to the Village Inn without the car ever dieing completely.

at 12:13am
after traveling 2.2 miles
I arrived at the Village Inn downtown
I had half a slice of banana cream and half a slice of strawberry rhubarb. Kelly and I talked into the night. I left at 1:59am

The car started, incredibly, and pulled out of the parking lot without any signs of stopping. I headed back down 400 South. It was as if someone had filled my car back up with gas because there was no sputtering or stalling. Then as I was passing in front of the library without warning it just died completely. I pulled over and tried to start it, but nothing.

at 2:05am
after traveling 1.5 miles
I ran out of gas
I got out of my car walked around to the trunk and grabbed the gas tank I had placed in there 5 days before. I emptied its contents into my car and drove home. Ready to start the cycle all over again, only now gas was 11 cents more expensive.

End of day 5
Total miles traveled = 132.7
Total miles traveled after hitting Zero = 44.1


John Maxim

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

A gas tank in the life of John Maxim: Day four

Day 4
May 5th, 2008

I left my house for work at 8:37am

at 8:54am
after traveling 13.1 miles
I arrived at the Union Park exit of I-215
Once again my mind had wandered again, and I ended up traveling the wrong direction. I was thinking about the blog post I would be making, and realizing that this might be 4 very long kind of boring posts in a row… I then started to hope that I would run out of gas today so that it wouldn’t have to be a five day post. I started to conclude my thoughts with a resolve that I didn’t care if it was too long and boring for people, but that’s when I realized I was going the wrong direction, and got off at Union Park Exit to turn around and head back to West Jordan where my office was at.

at 9:06am
after traveling 8.7 miles
I arrived at my office in West Jordan
Nothing paramount happened at work today, but my partner and I started a new venture. A business that gets small business owners unsecured business lines of credit up to $500,000. We decided to call the company “on the green consulting” our slogan is something to the effect of “solutions for the true business person.” Get it? Golf and business. Sometimes we’re so clever it amazes even me. Anyway, I spent a small portion of the day designing our new logo. I left work around 3:16pm

at 3:29pm
after traveling 5.7 miles
I arrived at Lifetime Gym in Draper
I worked on my abs, biceps, and chest. I saw a new Mariah Carey video there… she is looking beat these days. When I say beat I mean someone beat her with the ugly stick. I left at 4:36pm

at 4:47pm
after traveling 5.0 miles
I arrived back at my office
I buttoned up a couple of tasks and then left at 5:28pm

at 5:50pm
after traveling 16.6 miles
I arrived home
Our wards family home evening tonight was croquet, which we played across the street from my house. 6 games going on at once. It was my idea, and being one who loves to take credit for his ideas, good and bad, I’d have to say this one was one of my best. Not just because I won – repeatedly, but because everyone there had a good time. It was decided a large group of us would go to Café Rio after. A bunch of peeps from my ward climbed into my car, and we left at 8:24pm

at 8:30pm
after traveling 3.3 miles
we arrived at The Café Rio downtown
I had the chicken salad. Somebody paid this guy Kimball $5 to drink an entire cup of their hottest salsa. The most enjoyable part was Kimball’s anticipation of discomfort coupled with his fearless resolve to show us all that he could. I’ll be honest, I was a little let down with his reaction when he finally did eat the salsa, but good build-ups have a tendency to do that. We left at 9:47pm

at 9:54pm
after traveling 3.2 miles
we arrived home
My roommates and I sat around discussing monumental earth changing ideas for a bit, then it was suggested we go to Wal-mart. We all jumped in my car and left at 10:26pm

at 10:42pm
after traveling 3.6 miles
we arrived at the Wal-mart downtown
I had to make Salsa, so I picked up all the ingredients, and then walked around and somehow managed to spend nearly $100. Wal-mart always gets me that way. We left at 11:40pm

at 11:51pm
after traveling 3.6 miles
We arrived back home
We watched the last 4 episodes of "Friday Night Lights: Season 2" Complained profusley at the terrible non-ending ending and then I went to bed.

End of day 4
Total miles traveled = 62.8

John Maxim

Thursday, June 5, 2008

A gas tank in the life of John Maxim: Day three

Day 3
May 4th

My roommates, Josh and Nick, and I jump into my car at 10:31am to go to church.

at 10:50am
after traveling 4.8 miles
We arrive at the U of U Institute building.
Our Ward meets here and the meeting is supposed to start at 10:50... the problem is, I am the "Sacrament coordinator" which in layman's terms means that I bring the bread every week. I was late, so I ran in to find the opening hymn in full swing, and I set up the bread really fast. Being a typically late person, they usually wait for me to start the meeting, but I guess they changed their mind on that. Church was boring as per usual. The Utah Jazz play the Lakers today, and my roommates want to go home early to watch the game. I wasn't going to complain cause I had to run an errand, so we skipped priesthood and headed home. We left at 1:22pm.

at 1:39pm
after traveling 4.8 miles
We arrived home
I'm not a big Jazz fan, my team has always been the Portland Trailblazers... they didn't do so well this year, but next year they are gonna be awesome. Anyway, I do really like watching Kobe Bryant play basketball. It is his cockiness that I love, makes me think he and I are almost the same person... except for the really good at basketball thing... and the alleged rape thing... and the black thing... and the multi-millionaire thing... yeah except for that we are pretty much the same person. Anyway, since I wasn't to into the game I had to go get a clients sensitive financial information this weekend which he conveniently left under his floor mat for me before he went out of town. I left my house at 1:44pm

at 2:15pm
after traveling 23.5 miles
I got a little lost but I arrived at my friends house in Layton
As promised the paper work was under the floor mat. I headed home.

at 2:41pm
after traveling 21.8 miles
I arrived home
I finished watching the Jazz game with my roomies. Since it was in L.A. Kobe was only half as arrogant as usual, so I got bored and took little naps intermittently throughout the game. We had been invited to a BBQ by our new friends Melanie and Alex, so we loaded up and left at 4:21pm

at 4:32pm
after traveling 4.4 miles
we arrived at Melanie and Alex's house in Salt Lake
They had burgers and barbequed corn on the cob, mmm barbequed corn might be the best thing I've eaten in months! We sat around and talked on the porch, the weather was beautiful. I decided that this summer I was going to be 25 years old. My rational for this is: If romantic comedies have taught me anything, it's that if you want to find true love you must start out every relationship with a lie. So that the other party can find out, forgive, grow together with you, and then you live happily ever after... my lie was going to be that I am 25. I proclaimed this on the porch and it was well received by all patrons. My brother Josh had a good point though, since he is in fact my younger brother, my decision would be forcing him to be younger too, so we decided he is 24 this summer. We left at 6:31pm

at 6:40pm
after traveling 4.4 miles
we arrived home
I laid on the love sack and before I could close my eyes, fell asleep. I woke up at 8:24pm to my brother Josh asking me if I was going to Ward Prayer. I said yes, we left at 8:26pm

at 8:30pm
after traveling 0.4 miles
we arrived at Kristi and Steph's house in Salt Lake
It may seem silly to drive 0.4 miles but all of those mile fractions are up a really really steep hill. Some unappealing chocolate treat was being served at ward prayer, I don't really like chocolate - hence the term unappealing. Luckily there was some sweettarts available which I was able to consume while fraternizing. We left at 9:06pm

at 9:09pm
after traveling 0.4 miles
I arrived home
I dropped the roommates off at the house, and headed north for my weekly hang out with Cameron.

at 9:33pm
after traveling 23.5 miles
I arrived in Layton
Cameron and I talk on the phone for the entire drive out and back. This way, no matter how worthwhile the activity we do together is, we have some great conversation before and afterwards. Tonight we talked about a lot of things, Cameron told me about this pedophile that moved in behind him. I told him he should put it in his blog, and he did, here. I left Layton at 12:03am

at 12:39am
after traveling 23.6 miles
I arrived home
The conversation home consisted of Cameron prodding me about my interactions with members of the opposite sex, the future of our comic strip, and again trying to talk me into moving to Ogden.

End of day 3
Total Miles Traveled = 111.6

John Maxim

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

A gas tank in the life of John Maxim: Day two

Day 2
May 3rd

I have a Soccer game at 10am, so I got up at 8, thinking that I could spend a little time looking for Movie, my dog who disappeared in the night yesterday, and still hadn't come home. My plan was to get all ready, and then drive around and look for him till my game started. I grabbed some breakfast and went outside to eat on my front steps. Hoping that just maybe, Movie would happen by in his travels. I sat there looking around, and as I took my last bite of canned salmon, there I saw Movie coming up the street with some woman. I stood up and yelled "Movie!" He saw me, and ran strait over to me. This woman introduced herself as Erika. She was in her mid 40's had a backpack on, sunglasses, and her hair pulled back in a pony tail, she was smoking and a little out of breath due to her brisk walk. She said she was walking from the bus stop at about 10:30 last night, and saw Movie, right over there across the street. Movie's tag only had a phone number on it, and she explained how she didn't have a phone. So she took him home and he stayed the night with her. She said he kept her up all night, and that she was now late for work. She was walking to the bus to get to work, but that she was already 20 minutes late, and would be more like an hour late after her bus ride. I told her that I would be happy to give her a ride, she accepted immediately. It was the least I could do. Though deep down I wish she just would have left him alone last night cause Movie would have just come home on his own... but her heart was in the right place. I took Movie inside and we left my house at 8:58am.

at 9:13am
after traveling 9.7 miles
we arrived at The Verizon Wireless call center at 2200 N 2200 W
I thanked Erika for her kindness and she went to work.

at 9:27am
after traveling 9.6 miles
I arrived home.
I went inside and told my brother of the morning's events, and then he jumped in my car to go to the soccer game. We left at 9:40

at 9:47am
after traveling 2.4 miles
We arrived out front of another players apartment building
Alvin Togba, he jumped into the back seat.

at 9:50am
after traveling 1.1 miles
we arrived at Riverside Park
Our game was against a team named the Vikings. We had played them many times before. They have this one guy on their team who only has one arm... he's pretty good at soccer, seeing as you don't really need arms to play. He is a real jerk though and tackled me from behind, whilst he spewed profanities. I hurt my ankle and missed the last 20 minutes of the game. We tied 2 to 2. I know what you're thinking, "It sucks that in soccer they can end a game in a tie." I'm with you on that, but in our league games don't end in ties, they end in shoot outs. We lost the shoot out though, 3 to 2... maybe ties aren't so bad eh? We left the park, heads hung low at 12:24pm

at 12:28pm
After traveling 1.1 miles
We arrived back at Alvin's apartment.
He got out of the car.

at 12:35pm
after traveling 2.4 miles
we arrived back home.
We got something to eat, and fiddled around a bit. Then we headed out to my parents house to help my sister Dana move. We left at 1:10pm

at 1:36pm
after traveling 21.8 miles
we arrived at my Parents house in Sandy
My Sister Dana is moving into my other Sister Aprils house. It's mutually beneficial because Dana will feel less like she is still a kid, and April will have someone around to help her and her Husband babysit and stuff. We moved a living room set, up into my dads truck. Somehow Josh spent the first chunk of our visit talking to my Mom about some mail he had gotten, and so Dana and I had to move the couch and love seat. Which went pretty good except that we knocked all but three of my Moms family pictures off the wall (15 frames), and thus down the stairs breaking several frames. Josh started helping, but then my Dad was busy fixing the broken frames, so he stopped lifting stuff... (yes, I am complaining, I had to do way more hard work then everybody else) anyway, we strategically were able to load everything into one truck, and then into the back of my car. Before leaving we sat around for about an hour hanging with the parental's. We left at 3:04pm

at 3:13pm
after traveling 5.4 miles
We arrived at Sisters house in Sandy
Donnovan, my brother in law was there, and it took us less than 10 minutes to unload everything. Donnovan gave me a little crap for not calling him last night when I decided not to come get the karaoke machine... pretending like he was waiting up all night for me. We both know he was busy playing some online war game. We left at 3:25pm

at 3:28pm
after traveling 0.3 miles
we arrived at Donnovan and Aprils condo in Sandy
They are currently selling the condo with the best Real Estate Agent in the world, yours truly, and they have some renters in the property. Some agents have been re-using the lock-box without calling to schedule an appointment and walking in on people in the shower, so I stopped to change the lock box code. It took nearly 4 whole seconds.

at 3:54pm
after traveling 18.1 miles
we arrived back home.
I mowed my lawn. Then I started to get ready for my date with Tracey from the night before. She was coming over to my house and then we were gonna go to the Real Salt Lake game. David Beckham was going to be there, which might be why I was so successful in getting a date with such a cute girl on such short notice. Since she was coming over I had to make sure that my home was free of poops, and vacuumed and fabreezed. She showed up, and we left for the game at 6:20pm

at 6:43pm
after traveling 4.2 miles
we arrived at Rice Eccles Stadium in Salt Lake
I know of a pretty sweet secret parking space, but it was taken this time. Curse all these David Beckham fans! We walked a little further than usual, but made it before kick off. The game was good. Tracey was really taken by David Beckham, she confirmed that his good looks were as advertised. I was impressed too, despite everyone around us scoffing at Beckham with mumblings of how he was a sell out and wasn't very good anymore, tonight he score two of the most amazing goals I have ever seen live! In one instance he took full credit for a foul he made that the referee didn't call, and at the end of the game he gave every girl there what they wanted by taking his shirt off, giving it to a fan and then walking around to each side of the stadium and clapping. I had a feeling with him so close that Tracey would have a hard time remembering I was there, he is tough competition after all. So I tried to be funny and suggested that if David Beckham were gay that I would definitely switch teams and go gay too. She thought that was funny, and I felt I had averted rejection. We left the stadium at 9:51pm

at 1:03am
after traveling 6.5 miles
we arrived back at my house
(the details about what happened between 9:51pm and now are a little fuzzy, but we did travel 6.5 miles whatever we did, and that's what is important, this is a log of how I use gasoline after all - not what I do on dates.) I walked Tracey to her car, and...

End of Day 2
Total Miles Traveled = 82.6

John Maxim

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

A gas tank in the life of John Maxim: Day One

Day 1
The morning of May 2nd
at 10:23am
arrived at Maverick @ 200 W North Temple.
I stopped in at the Maverick to completely fill up my empty gas tank. When the pump stopped I had spent $76.89.

at 10:33am
after traveling 8.2 miles
I arrived at 4500 South off ramp
I was supposed to go to Bountiful for a meeting. Somewhere around the freeway on ramp at 600 south, my thoughts (which consisted of me musing what I might actually do if I somehow got to go on a date with Kristen Bell of "Veronica Mars" fame) distracted me and I got on going south (the opposite direction to Bountiful) I became aware of this after traveling 35 blocks and got off at the next exit to make a U-turn and headed to Bountiful.

at 10:55am
after traveling 14.9 miles
I arrived at Equity Solutions in Bountiful
Met, in a meeting. Left at 11:57am

at 12:11pm
I traveled 8.5 miles
I arrived Home
A girl at Equity Solutions pointed out at some point during my meeting that my shoes definitely didn’t match the rest of my “outfit”. She brought it up a couple of times, I didn’t even know I was wearing an "outfit," but I felt self conscious and went home and put on some flip flops. (those match everything don’t they?) Left at 12:14pm

at 12:33pm
after traveling 15.1 miles
I arrived at the Department of Workforce Services in Sandy.
I picked up my friend Grace who is looking for a new job and we went to lunch.

at 12:40pm
after traveling 2.1 miles
We arrived at Café Rio
I got the Steak Quesadilla with a side of creamy tomatillo dressing for dipping. Mmmm it was good, I ate the whole thing, which I seldom do. Grace got a chicken salad. We talked about regrets… it wasn’t as depressing as it sounds, it was a good talk. We left at 1:27pm.

at 1:34pm
after traveling 2.1 miles
We arrived at the Department of Workforce Services
Dropped Grace off, gave her the "perfect hug" and headed to work.

at 1:50pm
after traveling 4.1 miles
I arrived at My Office in West Jordan
I Worked. For work, I deal with peoples sensitive financial information. I grabbed this individuals on Wednesday and promised they would have them back by today... well I forgot to overnight them, so I figured I would just take them down there, and be a man of my word. Left the office at 4:10pm

at 4:44pm
after traveling 29.8 miles
I arrived at the Serve Pro office in Pleasant Grove
I dropped off the paperwork, chewed the fat for a bit and then headed back. Left at 4:51pm

at 5:40pm
after traveling 41.8 miles
I arrived at the Supersonic Car Wash in Salt Lake
It was too full so I pulled into the parking lot and pulled right back out.

at 5:45pm
after traveling 1.1 miles
I arrived at one of my rental properties (which happens to be two houses away from my home)
I met with some people interested in renting the house. We did a walk through, and they said they would take it. I informed them I was trying to sell it, and they didn't mind. We put it on a month to month arrangement, then I walked home. I was having a party for a friend at my house and for some reason it was imperative that we have karaoke... no one had confirmed that they had gotten a machine so I called my brother-in-law to borrow his. I left at 6:26pm to get it.

at 6:54pm
after traveling 21.1 miles
I arrived at the intersection of 7755 S and 1300 E
I got a call from My friend Nicole who told me that Anmaree had gotten a karaoke machine. So I turned around and went home. (talk about a retarded day to pick to chronicle my gas usage/wastage)

at 7:16pm
after traveling 19.3 miles
I arrived back home.

(On the drive out I took I-15 to I-80 eastbound which turns into I-215, and got off at the Union Park exit, on the way home I took I-215 west to I-80 eastbound, to I-15, I wouldn't have known this otherwise, but the second way was 1.8 miles shorter and 6 minutes faster!)
We played guitar hero and did some karaoke it was fun, the highlight of the evening was me and my brothers rendition of "Livin' On A Prayer" by Bon Jovi. I also laid the flirt really thick on this hotty named Tracey and managed to secure myself a date the following day! Crappy thing is, she is moving to Nevada in two weeks.
After the party, everyone left around 2am, I discovered my little dog, Movie, had escaped the confines of my back yard. Vodka, my other dog, and I jumped on the skateboard and looked for Movie for about 30 minutes. That didn't work, so I decided to jump in my car and widen the search area. I left my house at 2:56am.

at 3:55am
after traveling 8.2 miles
I arrived back home

Having not found my dog. I very slowly drove around a 6 block radius of my house, to no avail. Movie gets out a lot, he is little, and figures out ways to squeeze out of seemingly inconsequential holes. He knows where we live, and always comes home on his own after a few hours though, so I was a little concerned, but not enough to not fall asleep anyway.

End of day 1.
Total Miles Traveled = 176.3

John Maxim

Sunday, June 1, 2008


Not a day has gone by since my last post that I haven't thought... "I need to make a blog post today." For one reason or another though, I just haven't had the time, maybe its the sun, maybe its how crazy busy work has been, maybe its been all the ladies, or the new roommates. They probably all blend.

So today I got home from church took the Dogs skateboarding and for the first time in several Sundays I wasn't exhausted and didn't want to take a nap. I thought "I need to make a blog post today." I grabbed my lap top, and went out onto my back patio with the intention of writing something profound or funny, that was at 4:30...

Then I realized that I hadn't read anyone elses blogs over the last two weeks. I figured I'd start there, and hopefully be inspired. I have way too many blog friends and read way too slow, because it took me 3 hours just to get caught up. Not to mention the time it takes to think up funny comments. Now I have to go and there is no time for me to write my own post. Go figure.

As a cop out to actual blogging, here are some random pics taken while I was too busy to blog.

John Maxim